Thursday, July 15, 2010

A little about me....picture heavy!

One of my girlfriends and i (me on the right)

So it seems i have entered this world of wonderful women (and the occasional man) whom are very honest and after reading a bit i can already see relatively clearly into your worlds.... so i thought if only fair to tell you a little about myself-

Me and the make up i did for a costume party
Me out and about... flattering shot of size

Me, yet again another flattering shot of size.


Im Ash.... or Ashlee and im a 25year old female who lives in Perth Western Australia. I work in Real Estate (yes i have been told im the devil but i promise im actually not!) and have been within the industry for 9 years the last 7-8 in Sales and recently within Property Management. Is it my dream job? No. Although its not my dream job after all these years within the field i can finally say i am a professional in this field which means you can ask me anything and i can give you the right kind of advice, it takes years to become a knowledgeable real estate agent and i can finally say i am one which makes things a little more enjoyable.

I bought my first house this year... yep all on my own! Oh yeah im single ahahaha.... really single. I havent been with anyone since Christmas last year but that is ok by me... im very independent. Being a home owner is stressful but i told myself that i needed to do something by the age of 25 or i would keep floating in this ridiculous realm of crap. Funny thing is i was so opposed to marriage and kids and buying a house, i thought id be frivolous and fun for the rest of my life... then i realised thats a whole load of hogwash. I realised i can be an individual and live a crazy frivolous life with a sense of security as well.
I got my dog back just recently... weird story... in short- moved out when i was 19 had my dog for a yr and a bit, had to move back home couldn't take him with me so my sister and her husband took him and 6 years later his back again which is comforting but stressful at the same time with everything going on.

What else..... i paint... sometimes i call myself an artist... sometimes i dont ahahah i sell some of my pieces but most of them hold to much emotional attachment so then end up in my spare bedroom of my house.
One of my paintings

I love music... well i love anything to do with art, music and photography. I work with alot of local bands and you see me in the local scene quite often and the music taste varies considerably.

Me with couple of bands i work with and are friends with

(Gotta love when the power goes off and your blog saves what your wrote.... i would have gone spastic if i had lost all of this!)

Back to it....

Im the token fat friend.... all of my friends are toothpicks and have the most wonderful wardrobes because they can fit them.... i walk amongst the beautiful people and it can really depress you sometimes..... when i go out with them although everyone is looking at them and how stunning they are they look at me and go OMG what is that beast doing there. I think i dress really well for my size and most of the time before i go out i look in the mirror and go 'YEP you look great!' but it now has gotten to the point where i feel like it limits me way to much... my friends go to the beach and i dont want to do or i wont go to a party because its too hot and i dont want to look like a sweaty beast.

Some girlfriends
More girlfriends

I also sing.... my weight has stopped me working with bands and pursuing this because i dont feel like id have the energy or confidence to get up on stage.

My dreams.... (iam a very driven person and goal orientated) are to be a rock star or jazz/soul singer singing is a quaint bar, an interior designer, a stylist, a band producer, a makeup artist... the list goes on and on.... my weight holds me back from alot of these things... im hoping when i start feeling better in my skin i will reach some of this CRAZY dreams, they might be crazy but hey ill give it a go at trying to make them come true!

I didnt always used to be big... when i was 16-17 i went to the gym everyday and ate really well and i was gorgeous (of course i thought i was fat then), i was blonde and stunning (ill show some photos later on) people dont even think its me when they see the photos. I loved the gym and i miss exercising as i loved the adrenalin i would get from it. I am now just too big to feel like i can move like i used to.... my goal is to loose a certain amount so i can get back to the fitness side of things.

Im a manic depressant and the depression had a huge affect on my weight... as i would get older it would get worse and i had my worst episode when i was 19 which triggered the weight gain. I have my depression under good control now, sometimes i have bad days or bad weeks but all in all i can read my body alot better now so i have been able to control most episodes.

I dont like to think we live in a superficial world but i know we do.... there are superficial reasoning's for me to have had this surgery as well as health reasons. I want to be the TRUE Ashlee, not the one that has been putting on a front for the past 6 years.... its now time to truly be me and enjoy my body.

There is alot more into my history but as for now i think that says alot about who i am....

There are so many good things to come out of this decision but probably the process for the first few months will feel long and hard because i want everything here and now. I must be patient and keep telling myself that.


  1. Wow - great post!!!

    Just think you have sooo much to look forward too. Weights not going to hold you back anymore!!!

    (I think you are gorgeous!!!)

  2. I THINK I LOVE YOU! You sound SO much like me. All the "crazy" dreams! lol! They are NOT crazy, people like us just want a lot. And that's totally fine as long as you are willing to work for all those things, and you seem like you are. So I do hope you reach all your dreams! I'm a huge dreamer and optimist and I believe ANYTHING is possible. Congrats on buying the house! that's a huge dream of mine is well but my "do it or die" goal is 27 (I'm 25 now as well). I never thought I'd have the house, husband, or kids either. Well I got the kids.... still unsure of the husband thing but it sounds nicer as the years go by! :D I love all things art, music, and photography as well. I love the one painting you posted, looks deep! And I love your first few pics, love your eyes and eye makeup! You should find me on Facebook (Elizabeth Huskey), we are so similar! You can motivate me on days I feel like poo!!! And hopefully I can shoot some motivation your way as well!

  3. Workinginprogree- THANKS! Unfortunately for me im impatient but heres hoping i cant handle the wait to loose the weight ahaha. Thank you for the compliments.

    Liz- Nawwwwwwwwwwwwwww thanks! Oh i believe in my dreams... hopefully ill get there and alot of them are attainable its just hard work like you said.
    You will get the house... sometimes things just fall into place, i never thought i would and im in the best finacial position i have ever been in and thats all with paying for a house too (weird!).
    I would love to facebook but i actually just deleted it about 2 weeks ago. I had something like near 400 people on it and it just didnt feel right having so many people so close to me know so much... thats why i prefer bloggin... if and when i get back to facebook i will surely ad you :)

  4. All I can say is I wish I had half your confidence and drive.

    Love the post and I am sure you will achieve your goals.

  5. What a lovely story. I can still see the true Ashlee in there ready to burst into song!

    I too have all these skinny friends but have come to realize that the majority of them see me and not my weight. There is something in you that draws them and I bet if you asked them, they would tell you that your weight doesn't bother them at all. They would want you to be happy first. This band helps us get to where we are happy with outselves and I know you will get there too. Thanks for sharing yourself. I love your pictures and your painting is fantastic. We love pictures.

  6. First let's just get this out of the are truly stunningly gorgeous! You have the bluest eyes, such lovely cheekbones...I know what you mean about the skinny friends. I had skinny friends and I didn't treasure my friendship with them as much as I should have because I was constantly stressing over being the fat friend. Now mind you, when I first met them I weighed 130 and was stressing over being the "fat friend." We have such unhealthy mind games.

    You are so artistic and creative! You are just going to blossom thru this weight loss journey. I can sense a lot of energy and drive in your post. I have no doubt that you will accomplish anything you set your mind to. :)

    PS I hope you are eating a few more meals a day. :)