I havent blogged and there has been a reason for that.... my head is literally about to explode.
Work has gotten to me so much this week i have been crying nearly everyday.... i just always feel tired and at the moment im at breaking point.
The girls at work hate me at the moment and one of the girls im close with isnt even talking to me because work was so busy and horrible yesterday i had people threatening law action and so forth and she emailed me asking for documents which i was doing and saying all these things which it would implicate if i didnt do it on time... WHICH I HAVE KNOWN SINCE THE START and so i wrote her back saying BACK OFF i know what will happen if i dont get them in you dont need to tell me. Since then she hasnt spoken to me.... i dont care F#*& it all.... i used to love this job and im beginning to hate it with all the crap i constantly deal with and all it does is consume me... i cant look forward to the important things which is bringing in money for the company because all im dealing with is shit shit and more shit. I need a PA bad.
So im dealing with poo which is exhausting me, since not having facebook anymore no one talks to me or really invites me anywhere (which in a small way i wanted), my close friends still buzz me but its not for fun things, its people wanting advice or to talk and i just dont have the energy these days to help others out and be the owl because im strugglin with myself :(
I want/need something good to happen or i will just go insane and me not loosing heaps of weight isnt helping much either a s im not feeling very positive.
I think i have lost 1kilo but my scales are so bi polar i dont know. 6 small meals i think is helping my appetite more which is good but yeah i dont know....
Im not captain positive at the moment.
I need a holiday! I need to do something nice for me. I should hire a hotel room and just spend the night on my own there to get out of my environment.... i need to do something nice for myself but i dont know what. I could buy my lounge suite i have been wanting for the past 9 months ahahah.
Sorry this isnt a dandy post, im still trying to be good and exercise and do those things which is all good, im such a contradiction because as much as i want friends to want to do sttuff i just dont have the energy too.... and most of its during the week at the moment and im too tired :(
Oh god i need to stop.... im sorry.
Arghhhhhhhhhhhh just let me explode it would be easier. Sometimes death just seems more peaceful (please dont kill me for the statement.... thats the depressant in me talking).