Getting back to normal....

Ok, so after a couple of days to cool off and re think all is ok in Ash land. Obivously i still feel pretty blerg but i dont particularly want to dwell on that anymore.

Nothing really exciting has happened though since the nasty Monday confessions. What is exciting is that im having Thursday/Friday off and its a public holiday on Monday which means 5 fulls days of doing whatever i want to do.... which includes sorting out painting some bits of my house and doing more epic weeding which is good as it will give my stomach a good ole work out.

On the exercise front i have been pretty bad as not much is happening... im hopeless at being regimented with something... i always break the pattern which sucks but im not worried as i know ill be doing alot of pysical work over these next few days off.

After feeling so nasty the other day i bought a whole heap of new clothes.... i havent taken photos of the 2 new tops i bought but i will shortly. But below in the photos you will see the new black dress/top i bought that im wearing over a white 3/4 top.... i love it.... even though i havent lost a whole heap of weight that has enabled me to go and buy things in 2x size smaller i dont think i should let that stop me. Feeling horrid wasnt fun so shopping made me feel a lot more positive and not so stagnet.... problem was i had been wearing the same clothes for years and it was become depressing as everyone sees me in the same thing, specially when i go out a lot which luckily these days isnt as much!



I have to go to a dinner tonight which im dreading... im not sure if i wrote about it in my previous blog but anyways i just dont have the energy to hang around these particular women... which is horrible but its true.... oh well maybe it will surprise me and ill have a great time! The horrid thing is that this group always asks what i can and cant eat and treats me differently and i dont like that... i would like to be left alone in that sense, if i cant eat then i wont eat it, how hard is that and its not like these guys make healthy food, its always heavy pasta dishes which i dislike and dont eat but supposedly its tacos tonight so thats fairly safe. Either way i hope i dont stay late... ill be excited to come home and relax and get to bed early to start my paint job tomorrow.... i might take some before and after photos too :D

I took this photo this morning.... some people have made some comments in the past on my photos saying they didnt like them and what not... i dont post on here for vanity... i like photoshop and being obscure with some images... its not for me to get people to say OMG you look amazing... I sometimes like making myself look freakish.
Here is the outfit... hard to take photos of it but the one below probably shows it better.

I promise my mirror isnt as made as it seems! I have a waist again which is nice.... its nice wearing things tighter around my waist it shows more of my figure.... this dress was good because it flattered my fat belly which you cant see.

New cheap shoes from Kmart but i think they are super :D

I made cookies last night as i got little cookie cutters from Ikea and i wanted to make the moose. Sad thing is the cookies tasted blerg. Oh well no matter, it was good for me to be productive and keep my mind off the last couple of days, thats the hardest thing when you come home alone... it makes you think.

MOre cookies! They are all little animal shapes ahhaha.

So yet again i have to say another HUGGGEEEEEE thank you to you all.... you have been super supportive with what has happened over the last couple of days.... your words of support have been more helpful then friends in real life it seems.... i havent really told many people about it in real life as i dont think they truly know what to say.... its like 'Arghh here we go again... Ash gets rejected again' and so i dont tell them.... although i do make it sound like i put myself out there quite a bit but honeslty i dont.

It was very sweet how some of you sad if i couldnt get someone then theres no hope, but i promise you thats not true.... men find me so intimidating and thats a huge part of why i never attrack them... being intimidating and tall doesnt help much ahaha and also being a bigger woman, remember my camera is flattering and im good with angles.

Heres hoping that i get over this thinking i need to be with someone and just move forward with other important things.

Its comforting to know that when i come home alone that i have all of you out there who read and acknowledge what i say.... it makes me feel that little less at home when i see comments pop up.

BIG LOVE to you all.

Ash x