Thursday, August 26, 2010

Wheres your head at @)(&)@#&$)@()!+_@!)


I havent blogged and there has been a reason for that.... my head is literally about to explode.
Work has gotten to me so much this week i have been crying nearly everyday.... i just always feel tired and at the moment im at breaking point.
The girls at work hate me at the moment and one of the girls im close with isnt even talking to me because work was so busy and horrible yesterday i had people threatening law action and so forth and she emailed me asking for documents which i was doing and saying all these things which it would implicate if i didnt do it on time... WHICH I HAVE KNOWN SINCE THE START and so i wrote her back saying BACK OFF i know what will happen if i dont get them in you dont need to tell me. Since then she hasnt spoken to me.... i dont care F#*& it all.... i used to love this job and im beginning to hate it with all the crap i constantly deal with and all it does is consume me... i cant look forward to the important things which is bringing in money for the company because all im dealing with is shit shit and more shit. I need a PA bad.
So im dealing with poo which is exhausting me, since not having facebook anymore no one talks to me or really invites me anywhere (which in a small way i wanted), my close friends still buzz me but its not for fun things, its people wanting advice or to talk and i just dont have the energy these days to help others out and be the owl because im strugglin with myself :(
I want/need something good to happen or i will just go insane and me not loosing heaps of weight isnt helping much either a s im not feeling very positive.
I think i have lost 1kilo but my scales are so bi polar i dont know. 6 small meals i think is helping my appetite more which is good but yeah i dont know....
Im not captain positive at the moment.
I need a holiday! I need to do something nice for me. I should hire a hotel room and just spend the night on my own there to get out of my environment.... i need to do something nice for myself but i dont know what. I could buy my lounge suite i have been wanting for the past 9 months ahahah.
Sorry this isnt a dandy post, im still trying to be good and exercise and do those things which is all good, im such a contradiction because as much as i want friends to want to do sttuff i just dont have the energy too.... and most of its during the week at the moment and im too tired :(
Oh god i need to stop.... im sorry.
Arghhhhhhhhhhhh just let me explode it would be easier. Sometimes death just seems more peaceful (please dont kill me for the statement.... thats the depressant in me talking).
Signing out.


  1. Hey you. Sounds like you're having a rough time :(

    You're right though, you need to break out of your environment. If your friends are too energetic, how about you suggest something less taxing that you can do together. Or, dig deep and summon the energy from somewhere so that you can join in, if only briefly.

    You can start by going for a walk. Just step outside and start walking. Doesn't really matter where, but the more peaceful the better. Fresh air and movement will make you feel much better.

    Change your focus. If you dwell on the negative, you enter a downward spiral that just makes you feel progressively worse. Break the cycle. Focus on the positive. What are you looking forward to? What are you thankful for? You'll soon be captain positive :)

    You just need a little perspective, that's all. It is incredibly easy to feel trapped by the smaller picture.

    Plus you've always got your blog. You can always vent about absolutely anything on here and get it out of you system. That's why I am so glad that you posted this. I know that sounds strange, but shared emotions are better than suppressed emotions.

    Hang in there cap'n :)

  2. Wow! I agree with everything Mark said... He's a great follower to have. We all have days or weeks where everything seems to be backfiring on us. I would visit a friend who you haven't seen in a while and catch up... Get out and about... enjoy! I really hope you get out of this blue funk and high stress... soon. You do deserve a nice holiday. *Maria*-blogger from "This one time at BAND Camp..."

  3. Have you ever considered going on a holiday by yourself? I must admit it might not be the first thing I would have done, but now I think I might enjoy it! I think I would research the place and do a little site seeing, read a good book, and just plain relax. Easier said then done I know!

    I'm sorry you are stressed out but they are right up there.. this is what your blog is for. Much better to share your emotions then bottle them up!

    That picture of you up there is simply beautiful! You've got lovely eyes! :)

  4. Sounds stressful. Don't let the others at work get to you. Just do what you have to do. As for a you have time you can take? Even for a long weekend.

  5. Dude. You soooo need a vacation. I hope things turn around for you very soon! xo

  6. I love the idea of renting a hotel and just having a night alone. I've wanted to do that many times. Some little boutique place, maybe near the ocean, with a bottle of wine and some music. I hope you end up doing something splendid for yourself, and tell us all about it! Getting out of a funk is very hard indeed, but you're creative, you'll find a way!

  7. I really hope things turn out better you really need to get away. *hugs*