A little about me....picture heavy!

One of my girlfriends and i (me on the right)

So it seems i have entered this world of wonderful women (and the occasional man) whom are very honest and after reading a bit i can already see relatively clearly into your worlds.... so i thought if only fair to tell you a little about myself-

me

Me and the make up i did for a costume party

Me out and about... flattering shot of size

Me, yet again another flattering shot of size.

HI!

Im Ash.... or Ashlee and im a 25year old female who lives in Perth Western Australia. I work in Real Estate (yes i have been told im the devil but i promise im actually not!) and have been within the industry for 9 years the last 7-8 in Sales and recently within Property Management. Is it my dream job? No. Although its not my dream job after all these years within the field i can finally say i am a professional in this field which means you can ask me anything and i can give you the right kind of advice, it takes years to become a knowledgeable real estate agent and i can finally say i am one which makes things a little more enjoyable.

I bought my first house this year... yep all on my own! Oh yeah im single ahahaha.... really single. I havent been with anyone since Christmas last year but that is ok by me... im very independent. Being a home owner is stressful but i told myself that i needed to do something by the age of 25 or i would keep floating in this ridiculous realm of crap. Funny thing is i was so opposed to marriage and kids and buying a house, i thought id be frivolous and fun for the rest of my life... then i realised thats a whole load of hogwash. I realised i can be an individual and live a crazy frivolous life with a sense of security as well.

I got my dog back just recently... weird story... in short- moved out when i was 19 had my dog for a yr and a bit, had to move back home couldn't take him with me so my sister and her husband took him and 6 years later his back again which is comforting but stressful at the same time with everything going on.

What else..... i paint... sometimes i call myself an artist... sometimes i dont ahahah i sell some of my pieces but most of them hold to much emotional attachment so then end up in my spare bedroom of my house.

One of my paintings

I love music... well i love anything to do with art, music and photography. I work with alot of local bands and you see me in the local scene quite often and the music taste varies considerably.

Me with couple of bands i work with and are friends with

(Gotta love when the power goes off and your blog saves what your wrote.... i would have gone spastic if i had lost all of this!)

Back to it....

Im the token fat friend.... all of my friends are toothpicks and have the most wonderful wardrobes because they can fit them.... i walk amongst the beautiful people and it can really depress you sometimes..... when i go out with them although everyone is looking at them and how stunning they are they look at me and go OMG what is that beast doing there. I think i dress really well for my size and most of the time before i go out i look in the mirror and go 'YEP you look great!' but it now has gotten to the point where i feel like it limits me way to much... my friends go to the beach and i dont want to do or i wont go to a party because its too hot and i dont want to look like a sweaty beast.

Some girlfriends
More girlfriends

I also sing.... my weight has stopped me working with bands and pursuing this because i dont feel like id have the energy or confidence to get up on stage.

My dreams.... (iam a very driven person and goal orientated) are to be a rock star or jazz/soul singer singing is a quaint bar, an interior designer, a stylist, a band producer, a makeup artist... the list goes on and on.... my weight holds me back from alot of these things... im hoping when i start feeling better in my skin i will reach some of this CRAZY dreams, they might be crazy but hey ill give it a go at trying to make them come true!

I didnt always used to be big... when i was 16-17 i went to the gym everyday and ate really well and i was gorgeous (of course i thought i was fat then), i was blonde and stunning (ill show some photos later on) people dont even think its me when they see the photos. I loved the gym and i miss exercising as i loved the adrenalin i would get from it. I am now just too big to feel like i can move like i used to.... my goal is to loose a certain amount so i can get back to the fitness side of things.

Im a manic depressant and the depression had a huge affect on my weight... as i would get older it would get worse and i had my worst episode when i was 19 which triggered the weight gain. I have my depression under good control now, sometimes i have bad days or bad weeks but all in all i can read my body alot better now so i have been able to control most episodes.

I dont like to think we live in a superficial world but i know we do.... there are superficial reasoning's for me to have had this surgery as well as health reasons. I want to be the TRUE Ashlee, not the one that has been putting on a front for the past 6 years.... its now time to truly be me and enjoy my body.

There is alot more into my history but as for now i think that says alot about who i am....

There are so many good things to come out of this decision but probably the process for the first few months will feel long and hard because i want everything here and now. I must be patient and keep telling myself that.