Food, Food, Food.....

Seems all my mind revolves around is food!

I try so hard to not focus on it but since the surgery i have realised its very much a psychological passage not just physical .

Since my surgery on Wed 9th June 2010 i have lost 17.2 kilos (17.2 kg = 37.9195 lb) it has been an incredible challenge to say the least! As much as i would love to put down my original weight and what i am now im not sure i have the balls. Its all a bit scary putting it out there. Im very tall so my weight is different to alot of other people and i seem alot bigger by figures but in person you wouldn't pick it.

That's the problem... everyone always said they never saw me as a 'fat' person because of what i worn and how i carried myself.
I like to think i dress very well for my size, i have style and flare and have been able to be a very sexy bigger woman.

It had gotten to the point where my health was becoming a risk... i had beer goggle glasses on and kept telling myself it was ok and bigger is beautiful and as much as that is true i knew it wasn't true for me. I certainly do think bigger woman are beautiful, my gosh some of the most amazing women are bigger and one of my idols is Beth Ditto of the Gossip (yeah shes pretty crazy).

Beth Ditto

As much as i am proud of who i am there started to become way to may negatives to the positives... ie-
my health (my knees especially)
travel (feeling to fat to fit in chairs)
love (unfortunately i think men are superficial and dont go for bigger women in alot of caseS)
work (being fit and healthy to get through the work days)
the list goes on and on......

So i made the change... it has been very positive but also has had some negatives.

I had thought i should go to a dietitian within the first month and it seems i was so so wrong. The dietitian recommended 6 small meals a day... and this is what i was eating (which seemed like a lot but it was easy to do). I had lost 13 kilos from doing this and thought all was well until i saw my surgeon, he told me quickly that everything i had been doing was wrong.... it broke my heart and made me doubt everything i had done since the start. I cried all that afternoon, friends came over and made me feel a little bit better.

The same time i had seen this surgeon i had my first fill exactly a month from surgery. This changed everything.... i now dont eat until after 5pm everyday.... i notice my hunger slowly coming on around 12 then have a peppermint tea. My first fill he put 1mil in the band but had told me i already had 3mil which i was surprised so all up 4mil.... hmmm interesting.



So it has been roughly nearly 6 days since the fill... i barely eat anywhere near as much as i had and now im affraid of food which i dont think is good.... all i ever think about is food but since the fill im allowed solids and haven't really had the balls to try anything other than the puree i have been having.



Oh me oh my.


At least now i have somewhere to vent and talk about this whole new crazy world.