Little things can make you smile!

So as im sure you are all aware i have had a rough couple of days.... unfortunately this hasnt ended but im not going to talk about that today.

ITS FRIDAY.... yay.... i can let my brain breathe over the weekend :D

Anyways when i got home yesterday i noticed that there was a package at my front door.... i got all excited as i hadnt ordered anything or knew of anything coming to me.

I picked it up and turned it over and saw that it was from my friend who had asked for my address a few days back but i didnt click that he would be sending me a package, i thought he might be sending me an invite... he lives like 30 mins from my house (excuse my french) but he calls the suburn i live in BumFuckEygpt ahahahah and we were joking on the phone about Suburb names.... so when i recieved the package this was what was written as a return address...

It was my birthday in May and he and i huge fans of TOOL the band and he mentioned he had a book to give me..... so he sent it to me via the mail because we wont see eachother for a couple of weeks and he wanted to do somethign exciting for me.... HE ROCKS. IT made me smile....

I love this kid..... he plays in a band called Bat Country here in Perth and his an awesome friend.

This is a crappy screen shot i took off their myspace http://www.myspace.com/batcountryonline

He is the one with the apple in his mouth.... but heres a better photo-

If i were at home posting this i prob could have posted my own photos of him but at work im limited.... anyways their band is amazing.... all instrumental.

On a side note... whether Seth Rogen is skinny or fat i'd tap that... pretty sure he is everything i want in a guy.

So... as for now... that is all.

Nothing really fun to report band wise.... no weightloss today, still exercising, still havent found anything to wear to the ball (which means i probably wont go). So meh!

Toodles x

Grrrrrrrrrr!

Im nearly as angry as this bread.

I cant shake this feeling at work.... im so angry everything has made me so shitty.... i cant stop thinking about it. Im not being productive cause all i can think about is how much i hate everything right now.

ARghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Had another small loss this morning im now 19.8 kilos lighter.

I wish i could shake this feeling.

What a crud day....

I had such a crud day at work today..... its sad.... today made me feel horrible because there was someone in the office who made me doubt why i stayed in this industry and whats the point of working in it if they take away the one thing im good at and am so proud of.

What made it worse i went shopping to try and find something to wear for the ball and im incredibly particular.... i failed.

I went to my sisters for dinner tonight.... omg.... home made roast and she is so fabulous she does everything organically, i had one small piece of roast chicken breast, a small roasted pumking piece, some baked potato and cauliflower but i didnt finish this and half a bread roll.... as well as the smallest slice of cake she made..... IT WAS YUMMMMMM id normally eat double what i did but i stopped myself and felt totally full yay. Yummo... i wish i could have taken photos but my camera died.

Here is my morning coffee with my new coffee place-mat thingo ahahahI dyed my hair last night and i always hate how it leaves a dark ring on my head i look like im wearing a helmet
I found an incredible skirt at the store but it was too small... it was sooo cute and it cost like $700 as it was silk.... anyways i wish i had bought it as a reward for when i can fit it but i stopped myself.... here is a photo of the cute cute skirt!Look its also a full body'ish shot!

Didly doo bop di do!

I bought a new Jazz cd and have added it to my collection at work..... i play music at work because with my job being so stressful it gives me a little drestress which is good.

I realised today that i have been a home owner for nearly 5 months... thats crazy... im surprised i have lasted that long ahhaha i thought id crash and burn and be broke but i think its working out.

I lost a little more today 200grams which brings me to 19.1 kilos lost.... i hate getting up in the mornings for the walk but once i have done it i feel so good and im glad i get myself out of bed to do it because i think its helping a little.

GUESS WHAT... its TTOTM again.... yep again... i really need to get this implanon out its sending my body out of whack. They told me i wasnt allowed back on the pill back when i was smoking and incredibly over weight so maybe now when i get it taken out they will allow me back on the pill which would be soooooooooooo good because im sick of the craziness, when i was on the pill everything was basically normal.

Just before the surgery i was getting tested for PCOS and they thought i had it but loosing weight would reduce the risk so i stop investigating and now im having hope that i wont or dont have it.

I have my work ball on Saturday.... so not looking forward to it... i have nothing to wear, every year i go im single which is depressing, i cant be bothered socialising with the people, i have to go because i work for my parents and i hate not winning awards. Today ill attempt to find something but im sure ill fail and probably chuck a stink and not go because i have nothing to wear.

Anyways.... heres a photo a did a while back which when i had facebook people seemed to think was really cool....

NEWS FLASH!!!$&#)&^@#)(^$@

It seems things might be on track again..... i lost more weight again..... HECK YES!

Now down 18.9 kilos which means 41.58lbs in just over 1 and a half months.... lets hope im not jinxing myself and this keeps on happening even if it is a little slower... i just want to keep loosing little by little even though i know i have lost alot of weight very early on...

I think/know that the exercise is helping and i know its good for my dog too.... he needs those everyday walks because he will get bored and it makes me feel bad if i dont take him.

So even after those choc milkshakes and spanish donuts i still lost some..... ROCK N ROLL!

Had a seminar today for work and they provided lunch..... in wich i had 1 small quiche thing, 2 bites of a curried egg sandwich, 1 strawberry and 1 slice of watermelon :D

Well done me for having restraint.... thats what im noticing at the moment, having a little more restraint... but at night time i still struggle.

Charlie and the chocolate factory....

Oh me oh my.... i love my friends but they are evil at the same time.....

Decided to hang out with some mates tonight and they wanted to go to San Churros (sp?)i had heard of it but wasnt sure what it was i just thought it was a stock standard cafe..... oh no of course not... its a cafe dedicated to chocolate.... taking me to a chocolate cafe OMG thats like letting me loose at willy wonkas chocolate factory.

So i had a milkshake and i drank it all... tsk tsk and i ate half of a Spanish donut with hot choc sauce also half of a small 20cent piece size hazelnut chocolate..... nom nom nom.

HEre i was saying how happy i was i lost a bit of weight but now ive prob gained it lol.

Today i had-

9:00am 1 large skim milk cappuccino with 1 sugar
1:00pm 4 low fat cruskits with low fat philly cheese and alfalfa sprouts
From here on i didnt have anything other then a bit of water and then the chocolate heaven.

I also bought a cute little diary to start writing down what im eating each day :D

I have photos from chocolate heaven adventures. I ended up feeling super awesome because i turned this singlet dress thing into a boob tube/dress top, i tried getting some photos so you can see it, not full length as full length with me looks nasty...


The diary i bought to journal my food

The panoramic shot i took of the cafe
Death by milkshake!!!!
My beautiful friends!
The cafe
The Spanish donuts.... so good... its ok i only ate half of 1
Me attempting to get a photo of the outfit ahhaha
Me in the car :D

A little quicky!

So i jumped on the scales today and even though i wobbled a bit on them to see if i had lost anything (when i say wobble it means i moved myself so that it says i have lost weight ahahaha) it says i lost 300grams(300 g = 1.102 lbi think?).... ahahaha well i hope i have because at the moment im holding onto anything because it has offically been 2 weeks with no weightloss! lets hope this is true!

Two people at work this morning told me i looked skinnier ahahah everytime i wear this dress people always think i look smaller ahahah the dress is winning.. not sure i am.

Its Monday and work is hell..... George Carlin is wise...

Anyways im sure ill post something more interesting later.

Gee wow those pink snake skin pants are SEXY!

It seems this blog has turned into my journal now.... although its funny i actually value the opinions of the women on here more then the opinions placed on facebook and other journals. I think its probably because more of you can relate.

I will get to the title soon.

I have set myself some other little goals... im going to buy a calorie counting book... i think that would be a good way to watch whats going into my mouth and help me plan what i will eat. As i said in an older post i want to buy myself a nice little notepad to write in honestly everything i eat all day! which includes the tablespoons of milo i have been having recently.
Im so hungry these days.... its whacked out... im aching for this fill.... i feel like its all out of control at the moment and im super jealous seeing the other women gaining such control with the band and in alot of cases i dont feel like i have control. Heres hoping on 4th August my next fill sorts some stuff out for awhile.

Last night turned into a wacko adventure. I didnt think i would go out and i kept telling people no as a couple of people asked me to hang out but i just didnt feel upto it.... i have been using a lot of excuses to stay home but its not good, if i stay in i eat. I used to go out all the time, i would be the social butterfly but these days i dont feel like investing my time in a lot of people, only those who i really appreciate being around.
Anywhoo... one of my girlfriends just came back from Europe and she had bought tickets to the Bright Side festival and she had an extra one because one of her friends was sick and she offered it to me for free (they were $125) but the only reason they went was for The Strokes who is one of my favourite bands as well... we giggle with eachother that we would hunt down and steal Julian (the lead singer) and have lots of babies with him. So anyways with like an hour notice i quickly got ready (i went out with hairy legs ewwww lucky no one could notice ahahah) and headed to their house where we catched a taxi into the city.
I hate crowds and festivals as you get abunch of random people who sometimes dont love the band you came to see or they are just drunken douchebags, which in this case there were plenty of them! Other then the mass of knobs it was awesome, The Strokes always rock my jocks. We were a bit far back but we had fun dancing and rocking out. After the festival we went to the pub the Lucky Shag to get some money, have a drink and think about what was next... i wasnt drinking as i dont really want to drink much now i have had the surgery so i stole my friends beer he was drinking and had sips.... we met a random boy who was wearing an op shop shirt and snake skin pink pants... he was about as insane as us.... so we adopted him and walked back through the city to find a taxi to go to Amps but alas there was a stupid huge line so we decided to go to this lame ass bar and wait for this other club to open at 12 with adopted boy in toe. My friend bought me a beer and i finished it... i didnt want to waste it ahahah. Anywhoo snakeskin boy eventually left and we hung out for a bit more at a few places and all in all it was a fun random adventure.
At the end of the night they wanted to get McDonalds so we went they got 2 large big mac meals and i ordered myself a small choc thickshake... i hope that was ok?! I normally would have gotten a large big mac meal too and it was weird for me to get others food and only have something little for myself but it was good because i didnt feel like anything heavy.

I have been exercising more tho which is good but i have told myself i can have Sundays off and just chill.
Masterchef final is on tonight OMG.

Im not going to write down what i ate.... its all to sad as i dont think im having as many healthy options as i was at the start.

So heres some photos of last nights craziness.....
This was a photo of Julian singing on the big screen that was there
The stage and The StrokesThe crowd and you can see how far back we were... the crowd of douchebags.One of my friends
My friend and i in the crowd

The amazing snake skin pink pantsI took this shot when we were in of the bathrooms because it made my eyes go CRAZY and glass like.Chilling at a crappy bar waiting for another bar to openAdopted snake skin pants boyI stole my friends glasses.... i want glasses.
My with my beer.... tsk tsk i shouldnt have had it.... when someone buys you a beer you should drink it tho... ahahha

ps. i cant wait until i loose some more weight so i can take some full body shots so you guys can see the REAL me. I also only just worked out how to change the stupid time on my blog ahhaha.

Avoiding the scales! (Picture heavy)

Yep.... its official... im avoiding the scales.... it makes me way super duper too depressed if there isnt any movement on them.

On the positive, im trying to exercise more.... went for a walk with the doggy this morning for 30mins and the came home and did 30 mins of Just Dance. Whilst i was shaking my toosh i got a phonecall from my old job, i managed a high end leather interior company and i hear they want me back... not that id go, unless they offered me an amazing wage because i actually love working for my folks at the moment.

After my exercise i cleaned most of the house.... made me feel so much better.

Ps.I LOVE ALL MY NEW FRIENDS AND FOLLOWERS

Im so anti social these days.... i used to go out every weekend religiously and party as much as possible and catch up with friends.... since the surgery i just want to stay in (which means i eat more which sucks). I think once i have lost a bit more weight i might go out but with having my dog and stuff i feel guilty going out.

So i took some photos of my place and i thought itd be fun to share them with you... you can see my weakness for dvds ahahah.
This is my front lounge room that i have turned into my mini theatre room. I have way to many dvds.This is my open plan living room and dinning room next to my kitchen (my puppy dog is chilling outside)
This is the open plan living area just from another angle where you can see all my art and the giant world map my friend bought me for my 25thThis is the world map my friend got me... she wrote this on it and i will never take it off... so special. She said she got this for me when i said to her recently that i wanted everything the world could give me.This is a beautiful hand made pillow my sister made for me for my 25th (i was super spoiled this year) and i adore it, its so special!
One of my favourite paintings of BEn Ottewell from the band Gomez.I took this photo the other day when i was feeling sad... then after i looked at it laughed at myself which made me feel better ahahah.A shot i took the other day that i played around with.
And finally to prove i dont always look decent here is a shot from today after exercising and cleaning.... me = feral ahahaha!

BYOC Friday... quick my friday isnt here for much longer...

1. Let’s brag a little….what’s the best perk you’ve ever had in your job (current or past)? Any employment counts - even if you’re a stay at home mom – you have perks (and the hardest job ever in my opinion).

I guess the current perk in the role im in at the moment is pretty boring.... i kind of have flexi hours, working for my parents have made things a little easier on me, the pressure isnt there as much and they understand me incredibly.... they know if stuff is getting tough and let me chuck a 'sickie' to get my head back around things.
I can say im going to an appointment and really go have lunch with friends but in all honesty i dont really do this.... i dont really lie... i just go and do it, say what im doing and not care what they think.

2. Do you ever lie in your blog?

Im not sure.... i dont think i have, i will admit i hold things back and havent really let myself totally loose on this blog yet..... i think that my photos lie alot.... i think i take shots that make me look good when really you guys have no idea how big i actually am.... im tall so my weight is evened out over all of me but i dunno you havent seen the real me yet... but ill get there and show you kids soon enough!

3. What do you wear to bed?

Im lame... nothing special, i dont own pjs, i have this old baggy cloth dress that i have turned into pjs that in summer i wear.... and in winter its tracky pants and a jumper or t shirt... so crap. When i loose the weight i might wear cute pjs, right now i dont own pjs as i dont like any of the bigger sized ones so until i fit into cute pjs i wont bother.

4. Where do you go for advice?

Good question.... i have no idea. For band stuff my brother to another mothers sister who has her band for 3 years and is super helpful and obviously you guys.
I dont really get advice off anyone.... i usually deal with stuff on my own. My bestie who lives 2 hours away i call her alot for advice but i dont usually ask advice when its personal stuff... usually stupid stuff i ask anyone ahhaah.

5. Repeat question. Make someone a superstar without using a blog award. What comment or blog stuck with you the most this week and why?

Sandy-Lees blog named "Sliming, Stuck and PBing, Oh My!" this was very insightful and gave me a better understanding of the who PB'ing thing.... i havent had any of these things happen to me yet but being prepared is great... even tho some of it created more questions for me im glad she posted it because it got me understand how hard this band thing can be.
THANKS SANDY... YOU ROCK!

You guys are so cute,funny,awesome,amazing... the list goes on and on!

Ladies, ladies, ladies... you are all so wonderful!

Here i was thinking i was stuck at 29 and that was a huge no no... now at 36 and proud and excited by new friends/followers!

I loved the comments on the chicken in a can ... ahahah!

Sandy made me LOL with this one- "I never really understood the PB name. You don't have to be "stuck" to PB. So burp like a guy and tell everyone you have to get the air out. Go ahead and fart too, as long as it isn't a Productive fart:-)"

AHAHAHA.... best ever!

Im still stuck... no movement on the scales but i know that this week has been a lazy week for eating and being strict on myself in general... being half in and out of work has meant i have eaten more... when im at work i eat so much less!

On the positive side of things... this morning i walked the dog for 30mins then came home and played on Wii the game Just Dance which im sure some of you have heard about... i did this for 30mins and i was in total sweats at the end... good work out!

This song is my favourite and gets me pumped, i wish the whole game had songs and dances like this one.... it was ROCKING!

Here is a song from the band im currently listening to... you guys might like it!

So cute!

This weekend i plan on doing alot more of Just Dance and burning some serious calories! I feel so much better when i exercise i dont understand why i dont do it more.

THANK GOD ITS FRIDAY HEY.... well on my side of the world it is ahahaha.

Great friend from years back has come back from Europe and i havent seen her for like 4 years and i cant wait to catch up with her and fill her in on everything, then she is moving back to Melb and i will go visit... so many friends live in Melb now... i might have to move there ahaha.

Picture time!

This is the logo for my paintings (this is part of one of my bettie page paintings)

My favourite painting i did that i will probably never sell.

This is from last year when i had lost about 10kilos (then i gained that and more back) its a flattering shot of me in my bathers

Myself and the boy i used to have a crush, we had a weird and whacko relationship, i dont see him really anymore.

POrtrait i did of myself last year in winter when i had my bangs.

Super fun happy times.... bring on the weekend... heres hoping i get through work today being sane.

Today i will consume-

9:00 Large skinny cappuccino 1 sugar

12:00pm 3 cruskits with low fat philly cheese, shaved chicken and alfalfa's

2:00pm 1 tub of dairy farmers 98% fat free strawberry yoghurt

As from here on.... im not sure ahahah.

Am i stuck on 29 followers?!

How odd..... it seems im stuck on 29 followers or maybe no other people want to follow me.... ahahah strange.

I LOVE MASTERCHEF when its over i have no idea what i will watch.

This past week has been not so good...like i said i hate being negative but unfortunately when it rains it pours and its pouring quite a bit for me.
Wisdom teeth are a-holes but going to the dentist they have told me to grin and bare it because they are coming through fine... blerg.

Work has been hell, everything has gone wrong and im slowly fixing the problems but then the receptionist rings me all upset and that she cant deal with it.... i wish i could walk out the office and people could talk to people to calm them enough until i next get to talk to them. I love my job but sometimes it makes me want to pull out my hair....

In the past i havent had a very good relationship with my family, it wasnt hell but it was pretty rough and i felt very alone. The past 2 years things have changed and it seems my family is becoming more loving and concerned ... mum constantly tells me she is thinking of me especially as i live on my own and do it all on my own and even my dad rang me last night to see how i was (trust me... this NEVER happens) so on the family front things are good other then me not talking to my sister which means missing out on seeing my niece. Thats a story in itself.

One of my friends came over last night and i was talking about how reflective i have become... im scared that i did this all to late... should i have done this 3 years ago? have i waited to long?
Im worried i wont find love as every year i get older.... i dont like to ramble or make a big deal about being single because im independent and proud but i do think itd be nice to share my life with someone.... unfortunately as im getting older i think im getting pickier with the kind of man i want to be with. I want to feel right in myself and in my skin, thats why i have done the surgery and i think that once i find myself again there might be a chance for love but as for now i dont think i could love anyone when im not really loving myself.

I have been eating badly in the past 2 days or maybe 3 days i cant think.... my portion sizes have like doubled and im not feeling full... whether thats head full or stomach full im not sure sometimes i still think i eat because im home alone and there isnt anything better to do but things have certainly changed since the surgery and im no where near as bad.
Im excited for my next fill.... i really think i need some more restriction... although i dread seeing the surgeon guy because last time he bamboozled me and made me cry, i also hope they dont make me wait for and hour before i go into the appointment.

As for the scales..... thats a no go zone for me right now, every time i get on it it just depresses me because its not going anywhere. I wanted to getting into walking this week but unfortunately i havent done much because i have been miserable with my wisdom teeth.

I think i need to find some more structure with meal planning.... i think i need to set myself out a nice little meal plan for each day of the week so i know what im eating and stick to it for awhile.... that is my next goal.

im dreading work tomorrow :(

This post was very much full of hooopla!

Hmmm?!

I have HUGE burps after nearly every meal.... once i have burped i usually feel 100% better... after reading Sandys blog it is making me confused as to whether this is a good or bad thing and is this a PB?

Nearly every time after i eat i have these massive burps that go for forever. If i slouch when i eat then stand up i burp and its so relieving.

I thought PB was when you vomited but it seems im wrong?

Is this burping ok? or is burping bad for the band?

Ahaha i sound stupid...

Negativity sucks!

Seems a lot of my posts these days have been kind of negative.... i feel bad. Although i dont have much thats positive to blog about today.

Im off work sick because last night i was up all night with one of my wisdom teeth. So this morning i could barely open my mouth and its in so much pain, im not talking to anyone because it hurts and of course there is drama at work when im not there :(

I have forgotten about my band for today... i ate some noodles i cooked last night and i had a crumpet.... meh i feel poo.

Lets pray to the tooth fairy that i dont need to get the tooth pulled, right now i just want it to just push through and calm down ahahha.

Ok this is wrong...

ok so i just had a whole bowl of these special noodles i make.

i make egg noodles with bacon bits, eggs, Parmesan cheese, onion, basil and chilli flakes with butter and a little bit of vegetable oil. Not healthy..... i really dont think its healthy at all... anyways i thought stuff it ill have something a bit naughty tonight and make it... and it was yum.... and i ate a whole bowl of it... it was probably 2 cups worth.... oh my :(

Arent i meant to throw heavier stuff up?! how am i eating this much and this kind of stuff?!

Oh and i also shopped when i was SUPER hungry and ate like 4 pieces of dairy milk chocolate.... today = fail.

"Baby how long do i have to waitttt..."

It seems i have reached BANDSTER HELLL!!!! Still no weight loss.... i also hate my scales and might buy some new ones... hahaha imagine if i buy some of im bigger on the other set... now that would be pretty depressing. So yep i think its 8 days and not one little bit of weightloss... im feeling pretty good at the moment so im not letting it get me down.

Today seems to be taking its sweeeeet time.... yesterday flew and today seems to be draggin something crazy.

QUESTION FOR YOU?! (YES... YOU!)

What was one of the most unusual/weird films you have ever watched?

I know thats not band related but i just was curious.... one of my favourite odd ball films of all time (and i have watched some whack films... try hedwig and the angry inch ahaha) it The Rock Horror Picture Show.... man Tim Curry... his so hot hot hot in this film... yep his in drag but it makes him incredibly sexy...

Its 11:55am here.... so far ive only had my 9:00am Large skinny latte. Im hungry but not.... I have my 2nd fill booked for the 4th August... im excited and nervous for it as i think it will create some good restriction for me, im hoping itll cut down my portion size as im not eating to much right now but im having big'ish portions.

Heres me drinking my token morning coffee at work..

Loosing some more weight would be nice too!

I did my hair a bit different this morning so i thought id post a pic (i love when people post pics so i thought other people might like it too... hope you guys dont get annoyed that i post so much?!) my hair looks frizzy in the photo but its not thattt bad in person ahaha.

When i have curly'ish hair

Also here is a pic of my dog.... last night when we were just chilling out he looked hilarious the way he was lying down.... this photo doesnt give it justice at how funny he looked.

Harry

Also I know a few of you have been asking what Cruskits are..... hmmm how to describe, they are a light cracker which when you eat the no fat ones you could eat a whole box as they are so yummy and made with alot of butter but i have the light ones. Here is a weblink to a nutritional info

http://www.calorieking.com.au/foods/calories-in-crispbreads-cruskits-light-98-fat-free_f-Y2lkPTQ5MTIyJmJpZD0yNiZmaWQ9NzQwMTkmZWlkPTk0NzE3MDUyJnBvcz00JnBhcj0ma2V5PUFybm90dCdz.html

They are pretty tasty for a snack bread/cracker.... its a bit lame you dont have them in USA.