Is creeps into your life unexpectantley and without decent warning signs it can knock you down on your bum and make you an emotional wreck.
I ve been noticing the signs but havent been onto it as much this time as i havent got many friends to confine to about it (im surrounded by a lot of people but not many i can talk with trust about deep things with and the one close friend lives 2 hours away and sometimes you need someone in person). Im not really talking to my Mum and Dad at the moment, its not as dramatic as it sounds but they have a lot going on in their lives and they dont have the time to talk to me much these days and it breaks my heart... not that i talk with my dad we have never had much of a relationship.
Something just happened that has trigger me off into this emotional ball of bullshit. I just got home.... from Antons (a whole other story in itself) and there was this Aboriginal dude (my suburb isnt a super bad suburb but where i live everyone walks down for access) and he walked along the front of my house and as i was turning my car into the driveway he fell on a brick i had that i put to warn people to not run over my sprinkler and when i saw him fall i wound down my window and asked him if he was ok (this was the screwed up thing as i was trying ot b enice) and he got up and his like "your a fucking bitch, what kind of stupid bitch leaves a brick out the front you should buy me some new fucking jeans you whore.... or ill throw this fucking brick through your window" andim like omg what the fuck i didnt say much waited for him to walk off and put my car in.... i freaked out... i went over to my neighbours across the street who are the nice ones but then i came inside and havent stopped crying since.... im emotionally retarded at the moment..... it set me off because im so sad im still alone.... im so scared ill always be alone and i cant believe im admitting this because everyone thinks im soooooo strong in real life and they think im amazing to be the age i am and live on my own and own my own home.... but its not easy and sometimes id like someone to come home to.... its sickening how sad and lonely i have become and even though the weightloss has made me feel so good in some aspects it hasnt changed a lot of other things.
I went and showered and washed my hair and tried to calm down but instead i stood in the shower crying.
I hate depression and when it shows its ugly head, this has been approaching now for 2 weeks and i havent told anyone (thats half the problem). HEres hoping that this stupid fit im having tonight is the most im going to cop on the emotinal bullshit front.
I need to pull myself out of this shit. ThAT stupid guy tonight didnt help anything :-\
Seeing as i dont have real friends to vent this too... and i have my cyber girlfriends to listen i want to thank you in advance for putting up with my bullshit. I hate posts like this... but this might help me get through this little rough patch.