Friday, November 5, 2010

So what now....

I still dont feel like venting or blogging. Although i will try to.

I cant explain whats been going on and its not all a disaster, its actually kind of ok... i got some bad news about the PCOS but then i get some relieving news the other day about something at work which i have been stressed about now for about 3 months.... now i know that i have no need to be stressed at the moment i can move on and look forward to positive things that could happen.

i dont like feeling unsettled and thats half the problem, things with work were very unsettled and it made me very confused and frustrated for my future and now that that has changed i can hopefully refocus on some important things for my future.

I have looked or stepped even close to the scales. My eating habits have been a complete failure and i havent gone anywhere fast at all. This week i have barely exercised as everything kind of felt like it was crumbling all around me.... i did a little exercise but nothing like i was doing. I know i need to go get a fill but im not ready for that yet as im on medication for the PCOS and i would like to see if this makes a difference to my weight as it seems my weight is affected by it.
In all honesty i know the secret to how i loose the most weight... i know what the secret is. Dont eat sugar. Guess what.... fuck that. ok maybe not.... but i love sugar and chocolates and all that is bad... sometimes i cant find a balance and its very destructive. I have been destructive lately and its sad. I know i will pull myself out of this.

Maybe just maybe after all these years it is my hormones setting me totally out of whack.... maybe i get in these ridiculous funks because my body just cant handle anything because it has such an imbalance with my hormones, maybe its the reason my depression goes a little whacko at times, it probably isnt but it would be nice to think it is and im trying to gain control of it.

I always wondered why i carried so much weight around my belly..... the part i hate the most :( i cant wear normal tops like chicks because my belly is big and i get paranoid about it and i dont have big boobs to camoflauge it :( The doc tells me a lot of women with PCOS carry a lot of the weight around their stomachs. Who knows if these meds will work but heres hoping.

So there you go... i have probably gained weight due to all this bullshit so thats why im not even touching the scales and until im emotionally strong enough im not going to go near them and that probably wont be until i start motivating myself again and getting back into the swing of things.
I have been a failure to myself these days and its disapointing but im hoping with these few little positive changes potentially happeningin my life i might regain some sanity and move on.

Im hoping and praying to get a TOOL side show ticket in Melb and fly over there for a holiday.... February next year... it would be very good because i would def have to give myself time off for that to go away on the adventure.
Problem is gettnig tickets... im trying to conivince mike to get his brother to get me a ticket because he is on some TOOL website.

Ok i wanted to share these guys with you..... DEAD LETTER CIRCUS from Australia.... they are amazing... i love my country and its amazing music and artists.

Anyways... thats enough.

Hope your all well.


  1. I hope you feel better soon. PCOS sucks and it is double hard to lose weight. Give yourself a break. Is there a race to lose weight. We have the rest of our lives. You're allowed to take a break sometimes and just be.

  2. Good to hear your getting treatment for the PCOS...and good idea about forgetting the scales for a while.

    i hope you get the tickets for TOOL :)

  3. Hello, I'm Kate - I'm a new reader and I think you are GORGEOUS! I found your blog through the beautiful Beckie.

    I have PCOS also and am on the metformin to control symptoms / regulate hormone levels. Have been on it for a year or so. It definitely helps me with appetite issues and therefore weight stuff, but I don't think it makes the weight drop off as such. I still need to eat less, but I feel the difference in cravings (especially sugar cravings). Gives you funny guts though for a while, until you get used to it.

    I LOVE Tool as well. LOVE. I would love to see them live one day. I'm in NZ. :)


  4. I've been AWOL for a while and I'm sorry to hear you have been going through a tough time.

    Hang in there!!!!

  5. I'm not feeling much like blogging lately myself, so I know how you feel. Sorry about the PCOS, I have it too and it really sucks. I too have the lovely belly fat... We'll get it off though! Good luck with the meds. :-)

  6. I don't wanna throw you a pity party because you are a big girl and I respect you. First, you got some bad news that is "permanent" and I think you and anyone needs time to adjust to that. Don't worry or focus on the scales at all!!!!! Educate yourself on the condition, figure out what you can expect in the future (weight loss or stomach changes or maybe harmonizing moods) and give yourself time to adjust to the new meds as you said. :)

    You, I see, are a fighter! Don't doubt that! The good news at work is uplifting and will help ease your shoulders through the new adjustments in your life. The good news was JUST what you needed to carry you through THIS. I adore you, I will be praying for you. In the mean time, KNOW you got this, You don't have to lose 20 lbs asap, give yourself time mentally to adjust to your circumstances, and focus on the weight and scale only when you feel ready to. BIG, BIG sista hugs to you!!!

  7. Beautifully said Liz!

    I completely agree. Let the info settle. Process in which ever way you need. Bounce off us if you need that too.


  8. Yucko - forget the scales and just figure this out first. once you have it figured the scales will start to work (((HUGS)))