Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Yes im here... posting with photos... oh golly!

Ok... so im back, kind of. I cant make any guarantees i will be back as much as i was. I have noticed when things are bad i dont want to admit it all to you guys so i need to walk away sort my poo out and then come back and get back to normal.

I would say the last month was a complete struggle for me emotionally and psychically with the band and everything else around me. There was a lot of stress at work which has gone away but has come back again but its ok im dealing with it better in this second round of bullshit.

The band really is a tool.... you gotta work it, if you dont then nothing happens. I feel back into old and bad habits, not completely and i would say not as bad as i would in the past but i certainly wasn't thinking clearly in the decisions of what i was eating and if i was going to exercise or not.

The PCOS may have factored slightly into this as i guess i was saddened finding out that i had it, on a plus side though after more blood tests last week it has come back that my hormone levels are a lot better and are leveling out since the weight loss. This makes me feel positive that i can change the PCOS and hopefully get everything leveled out and back to normal.

Those of you WHO SUFFER FROM PCOS do you find a lot of your weight is carried around your stomachs? Its horrid....

I got saddened the other day looking at myself naked in the mirror.... saddened by the fact i let myself destroy my body so badly... its a mess.... i think back to when i was a teenager and going to the gym and my body was amazing and now i have let it go so bad its just ridiculous. Whats good is that this hasnt made me eat more and be depressed its kicked me back up the bum to get motivated again.

My band is loose as a goose and i can eat anything really if i chew chew and chew... i still avoid bread as i think its better off not having it at all. Seeing as my band isnt tight this is incredibly hard, its all on my discipline of making sure that im doing the right thing.

I still ha vent beaten this whole head and stomach hunger, half the time i think i still eat just for the sake of eating and that is completely stupid but its the hardest nut to crack.

Work is blerg.... coming up to Christmas work is always a PIECE OF SHIT... everything always all happens at once and that sucks. Im not organised and this is causing issues, there are alot of things going on which im forgetting about and its getting me in trouble. Oh well... story of my life!

My love life... non existent... i just cant get that side of things flowing at all... i have small feelings for random boys but nothing major, my current crush is on Kym lol if i find a picture ill attach it... Anton and i are kind of drifting away which is not a bad thing and completely ok with that, he is so frustrating and i don tthink its healthy.

Cant wait for this week to be over because im going away with some bands to party Friday night.... BRING ON TOMORROW its my last day of work...

I bought my tickets to Melb through Qantas online but didnt write down my membership number so now i cant see if it confirmed the sale... Huurrrrderrrrr.

Im finally having a holiday....28th January - 4th February in Melb watching the Deftones and Tool and hanging with soem cool kids.... bring on this well overdue holiday!
Good motivation for me to keep loosing :)
I took this only the other day before i went to a meeting.
This was before i went to the hens night i had to go to.... let me just say i dont get along with bunches of women.... i really do prefer guys... mens conversations seem to stimulate me more the females chit chat.
Me in the mirror beforehand.... the outfit ended up looking super cute.I now fit some belts that i didnt used to and its been perfect because they have been making my outfits look more finished off :)
Yet again another shot...
Heres Kym... his with Tina who im going over to Melbourne to stay with.... Tina & Kane moved to melb.... which sucks because we were all havign the best fun together.... now they live too far away :( Ahaha it looks liek they are together but trust me they arent ahahah

anotherone of Tina & Kym..... i have a photo with him but i look like a bushpig so i choose not to share.

You will see i constantly have crushes on a bazillion boys.... it never follows through. I had feelings for Kym just before my birthday then he got a girlfriend and i got over it.... we went to lunch monday and are going down south together with my friend ebs for a gig this weekend... hanging out with him again is bringing back stupid feelings ahahah.

thats enough for now.

Hope all you guys are well..

ash x


  1. Ah, I'm so envious of your hair, especially in the picture before Kym &'re gorgeous. Sorry you've been going through a tough time. I'm having band issues too. We'll suffer together, lol.

  2. Ooh Blossom stole my line - I want your thick hair and gorgeous eyes... they sure are enviable.
    I have to say too LOVE the pic of you in the outfit with the big belt. Regardless of what you think about yourself I think you are just beautiful. You shine through in your pics.
    Hope the rough times pass soon - I hear you there - been going through one myself xx

  3. Well the other girls can have you hair but personally I am jealous of your skin!!! Its so white and even and blemish free.

    Sorry to hear your so down on yourself, but when you said you were looking at yourself in the mirror thinking how could you get that way - honestly you really don't look bad. I mean, you look like a normal woman, not an overweight one. Hang in there.

  4. Glad to see you back! You look amazing. We all seem to be struggling these days. *Maria*-Blogger from "This one time at BAND Camp... Follow my journey at

  5. I love your style. You're very exotic looking. Unique. You should be proud of that!

    There's nothing wrong with crushes. There's nothing like having those wonderful butterflies every once in a while.

  6. I agree with Jess-you are so exotic looking. And I should remind you that as you head into lovely summer weather, we up here in the Northern Hemisphere are bunking down for snow. Suck in the sun and feel good!

  7. You take such awesome pics! That second one of you is so mysterious looking! Chin up and sending you some virtual hugs! XX

  8. I'd do you. Did I just type that out loud?

  9. So glad to see more pictures! Hope the sun is shiner brighter lately!