tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37971414903989665652024-03-05T20:43:13.737+08:00Seeing in colourSeeing in colourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03658646784268801753noreply@blogger.comBlogger122125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797141490398966565.post-198023156221606052011-09-02T15:26:00.000+08:002011-09-02T15:27:36.643+08:00WOAHI quit my job yesterday.....
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<br />After 3 years here im going.... the new owners depress the crap out of me.
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<br />Do i have another job to go to? No.... but its ok i think ill be alright.
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<br />Send me positive vibes yo!
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<br />Seeing in colourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03658646784268801753noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797141490398966565.post-32062952344987662662011-08-30T10:19:00.003+08:002011-08-30T11:27:33.081+08:00HELP!?!<div>
<br /><div>uuRRRghhhhh! </div>
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<br /><div>I feel like im sending myself nutty. </div>
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<br /><div>I cant get control.... i miss that time when i used to exercise and actually enjoy it. My motivation is 0 and i keep trying to kick start it back into gear but im struggling.</div>
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<br /><div>Stupid winter is kicking me hard... i just want to sleep. The boyfriend wakes up at 4:30am every morning and for me its just putting me out of whack as i go back to sleep after he's awake at 4;30 but then when i wake up again im tired still. </div>
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<br /><div>I read an article on staying positive and how it keeps you healthy.... *HURRDUUURGGHH* but in saying that reading it has reinforced how i feel about everything. </div>
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<br /><div>Maybe i should get another fill? </div>
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<br /><div>I hate that i love food so much. </div>
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<br /><div>Look... im going insane!</div>
<br /><div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5646482729085189026" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMMKPB4r1D6328q6iArPLegj9S5eDSqo87MtalfhRaEsC9G94Sg5mYl8UrJhbW4jvWxknM7oS6PUC2ECwfwYKGKMgGj952ZVx3FU8j190E5J5Jo2XCzF1C9gEwatRy_3zUrvAuMtFrN72w/s400/colour.JPG" border="0" /></div>
<br /><div>You see those cupcakes..... yeah thats whats screwing me over! I BLAME THE CUPCAKES!</div>
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<br /><div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5646482731697372370" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiodIEvaWwdUBdxyZSArQ1fIRLyq2tZpl4QX_jUFzwcnE8FDz39m_0oc-wYm9JnyOt8lUNQ9bYFttgBdM5l4bV0mKrM5ZPSYtT5TW8zK40_AxDOxzIDXxJZEqgyza1EnX6qEQetFEEQD9ZC/s400/cupcakes.JPG" border="0" /></div></div>
<br />Seeing in colourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03658646784268801753noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797141490398966565.post-40513024730365585602011-08-25T09:01:00.003+08:002011-08-25T09:09:45.546+08:00Sleep... where art thou?<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXLE3iWPvQr8iBL3UV20pvWIblF-80tz6HRUpLakD9B8ih67MYz68UTCbIfDXwwjqtLWRExJUCjBSm9Nl7JVlBl3QySFtmjYeVXg5KBbYahTP-ay5UPrxxyxzzhtl0Itz3ERZ_aev3U50Q/s1600/moresleep.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5644592615858590242" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 364px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXLE3iWPvQr8iBL3UV20pvWIblF-80tz6HRUpLakD9B8ih67MYz68UTCbIfDXwwjqtLWRExJUCjBSm9Nl7JVlBl3QySFtmjYeVXg5KBbYahTP-ay5UPrxxyxzzhtl0Itz3ERZ_aev3U50Q/s400/moresleep.jpg" border="0" /></a> Ok.... currently feel like death.
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<br />This is not helping anything.
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<br />Had dramas with the BF last night which i worked my titties off trying to fix as i always do.... maybe oneday ill explain my situation with him clearly and all you ladies can reassure me that he is like every other male out there.
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<br />Get this though..... we were joking around this morning... he was running late for work and decided to just to not go in (he does this often) and i said to him "arent you lucky to have such a nice easy life where you can come and go and be carefree" and he's reply was "yeah everything except for you" he thought it was hilarious... pointing out that im the only thing that makes he's life shit at the moment.
<br />When stuff between us is so edgy and he makes me feel like the worst gf in the world, that joke right there.... was the worst thing he could have done.
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<br />I love him but its so hard sometimes.
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<br />So now.... im at work ... tired and miserable.... i hate my job more than anything at the moment so its such a struggle dealing with all this... i just dont want to be here.
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<br />Sorry this is such an unrelated post.
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<br />So unmotivated right now.
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<br />Seeing in colourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03658646784268801753noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797141490398966565.post-50447599247508890222011-08-24T10:50:00.003+08:002011-08-24T11:13:22.641+08:00So.. What now?!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsLIo3jaK-pBsRJJzXaaopyfmiUYxn2Xmn3w-Hy8WpJRXrt456s6bi5-Ks1i31iMxGwBOHns2zXAhU_cWN3Q_qsrldo61iQwBrUYZSwIrezclilqm4NC02WAwr9dXkK9wEgym-Ohz6p98k/s1600/us2.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5644255014148565778" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsLIo3jaK-pBsRJJzXaaopyfmiUYxn2Xmn3w-Hy8WpJRXrt456s6bi5-Ks1i31iMxGwBOHns2zXAhU_cWN3Q_qsrldo61iQwBrUYZSwIrezclilqm4NC02WAwr9dXkK9wEgym-Ohz6p98k/s400/us2.JPG" border="0" /></a>
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<br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1_LY0IAmI_R55OPwQT8qkZQK4ck2HCJGZCMh3yiYSIxFFZazCfsW9860mnKNPJ4Yj0OMIDKTDGT74k0bJVzqCPWxSZtXcvKuD-37C5q16cRNP6QNnQq4S42DW6LfoPk9Pbg1GUKIryAhc/s1600/abby+ash.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5644255008440345810" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 272px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1_LY0IAmI_R55OPwQT8qkZQK4ck2HCJGZCMh3yiYSIxFFZazCfsW9860mnKNPJ4Yj0OMIDKTDGT74k0bJVzqCPWxSZtXcvKuD-37C5q16cRNP6QNnQq4S42DW6LfoPk9Pbg1GUKIryAhc/s400/abby+ash.JPG" border="0" /></a>
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<br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqHafWV48w4_l5zsBZVXUNlZQURBAPo_EWsaFg6h1rtJlsFZX2a1-meW9w-YUD1zIGFinxFcWVUf_nKM2VMoNMw9Y9oZsf4HztSai5LZjQZArJwAkj6TU9XLk_hHZ9IspJq_52tw7ytmLC/s1600/us.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5644255004088778914" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqHafWV48w4_l5zsBZVXUNlZQURBAPo_EWsaFg6h1rtJlsFZX2a1-meW9w-YUD1zIGFinxFcWVUf_nKM2VMoNMw9Y9oZsf4HztSai5LZjQZArJwAkj6TU9XLk_hHZ9IspJq_52tw7ytmLC/s400/us.JPG" border="0" /></a>
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<br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8WbhmgyVse0U08AP_TSHq16O6xtvMx2arp0Q-aCMRmF512p_sJo84lYBBt9snT5AErRHdOOmve8Wx3I7BsieF24KVGT17FrIAkfJ9pTbDtJKdsBRbfQgWmPeo40rTBB9oR8cXvn2kTNBk/s1600/bath.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5644255002771425730" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8WbhmgyVse0U08AP_TSHq16O6xtvMx2arp0Q-aCMRmF512p_sJo84lYBBt9snT5AErRHdOOmve8Wx3I7BsieF24KVGT17FrIAkfJ9pTbDtJKdsBRbfQgWmPeo40rTBB9oR8cXvn2kTNBk/s400/bath.JPG" border="0" /></a>
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<br />Ha! If only i knew....
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<br />Staying positive.... keeping my head above the water it seems.
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<br />I had booked in to see my surgeon but i cancelled.... i really want to give this a good hot go on my own without another fill as i suffer from getting stuck quite a bit now.
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<br />I feel the full feeling coming back again with the assistance of coffee ahahahah.
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<br />I will give myself ONE MONTH...... HERE THAT LADIES... ONE MONTH.... if you notice me on here a month later and im not reporting any changes then off to the surgeon i go.
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<br />How hard is it to get back into exercise?! I am working on it... i will get better... i got to such a stage of fitness before that it didnt feel like as much effort now im back to square one im having to push through the crappy part to feel it paying off.
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<br />The boyfriend has gained weight since we have been together.... i think he looks sexier than ever but its affecting him a lot.
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<br />We have a healthy eating plan during the week that i have outlined for both of us and he is honest if he slips up.... we also try and push eachother to exercise for 30mins each day. It hurts when he is so upset about his size.... he was a size small now he is a medium... LOL! I try to explain to him i have had weight issues my whole life so i know how hard it is but how lucky he is because he should be able to shed it relatively quickly.
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<br />So at least we are pushing eachother.... he tries... (i mean TRIES lol) to stop me from eating to much chocolate but it usually fails lol. ITS MY FLAW.
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<br />On a more fun note.... We said we loved eachother last night..... we had been going through a really rough run and i feel like this has pulled us out.
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<br />i cried when he told me... LOL LAME!
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<br />We are cute...... we went out for dinner somewhere special last night to have some fun as we had been in a rut.
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<br />Also.... so you are all aware he moved in with me 4 months into our relationship...... so its been rocky because of that but its getting a lot better.
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<br />Things are good. I just need to refocus on whats important.
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<br />I feel good journaling..... this is good for my mind too.... i need to vent and I missed this.
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<br />Ps. I still think i look pretty good.... just not as comfortable as before.... clothes are getting that tighter :-\
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<br />Seeing in colourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03658646784268801753noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797141490398966565.post-58895308986578508512011-08-23T10:50:00.004+08:002011-08-23T11:01:59.592+08:00Where am i at now?Good question.....
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<br />I have gained..... in many ways :-\
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<br />I have been with the boyfriend now for 6 months.... and dont get me wrong it hasnt been smooth sailing but we certainly did get comfortable with eachother.
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<br />Ive gained since being with him 10-13 kilos :-( what a disapointment. Im very glad i am a aware and doing something about it though.
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<br />I havent been able to afford to see my surgeon so now i am on my way back to healthy eating and exercising like i did before.
<br />I know what the problem was..... being sad and depressed from my work led me to eating so much more there which i have now stopped... back to healthy eating and i had completely stopped exercising in winter..... thats changed and i back to at least 30 mins a day.
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<br />Im thinking positive.... i want to try try try and focus on this blog again for the support and encouragement.... heres hoping its not all talk.
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<br />Heres a picture of the boy and i..... <img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5643880819853434274" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6OnGOHPXwu_R9OQOZkGGR6o77mw0sYEzqN4y43otY59Z8YfCQdcpTaTJSvGIi6lZrYOXJWR23TaH9JSILrbaf1IEKlyyPaLvytGg39Q2V7wyhgdRpRutEHvtWnsVnD2YMsSiTvuA0fPc/s400/photo.JPG" border="0" /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5643880815540408082" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcxiueYSxMn14kszVos_vazM0isBH7Aa9JX6pNhXW9KPztfsvbCfyX200qUrXvUcSN8ue1ecKYhVZCZMqZPJQlT2423gA-oBOsZ6TSPn4cIJxMJrblVA9NJvar4024Bmq2MJTGRFZyXWE/s400/photo2.JPG" border="0" /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5643880811661114402" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 373px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXLTxMIWpcrjAO5jCD_giPlD0ijP0h_XjkaMqrairND2DvjgXHVQehKaQmODGCszcScNmybQBJQ5wz7HQZns2mmXkoawLbdpfowfCQAYqgW3jB6jYogrJAhbsa_h-WadyS12PxEoIShfk/s400/photo3.JPG" border="0" />
<br />Seeing in colourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03658646784268801753noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797141490398966565.post-27679550286628411832011-05-02T10:09:00.000+08:002011-05-02T10:11:13.864+08:00Oh my i still exist...Oh my golly.... im still alive.... i miss this place and actually need to do a proper update.<br /><br />On the negative i havent lost any exciting weight since i have been here.... boo and its all my own fault as i havent exercised and i have been lazy :(<br /><br />On the plus side though i have met someone and he is amazing..... i want more time in blog world... heres hoping i can write something about it all soon :)<br /><br />I cant wait to look over everyones pages and see how they are x!Seeing in colourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03658646784268801753noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797141490398966565.post-8647019752124902112011-02-28T12:14:00.007+08:002011-02-28T12:39:14.254+08:00Photos from holiday!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXlD1zlZKqlW9XyaOtoKjJXcZW1GHqF54ezSRHPOZowWWJyRqy73_51GNrMOarVgkc9-oAPUtgaAPA72trH4XnhaSDC6lXT795lVE_RDwBQAjcGRAbuL9cNdlMFxBdTIKhyphenhyphengCS41kZoDbo/s1600/1.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5578594131723424178" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXlD1zlZKqlW9XyaOtoKjJXcZW1GHqF54ezSRHPOZowWWJyRqy73_51GNrMOarVgkc9-oAPUtgaAPA72trH4XnhaSDC6lXT795lVE_RDwBQAjcGRAbuL9cNdlMFxBdTIKhyphenhyphengCS41kZoDbo/s400/1.bmp" border="0" /></a><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQudbbq0Imzf7MO0yN-4tHMEFnqrviI5HBVXCD6nrqU4j-hhtg4L5HFPTvENM9rAk9Zf5dAzFzoVgYqLuie0jEuBclQBnPapxaK6TYc2dMfqA2YtReJXLdqO112mf-FTbu-LCKY6zJ8qNN/s1600/2.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5578594128203944546" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQudbbq0Imzf7MO0yN-4tHMEFnqrviI5HBVXCD6nrqU4j-hhtg4L5HFPTvENM9rAk9Zf5dAzFzoVgYqLuie0jEuBclQBnPapxaK6TYc2dMfqA2YtReJXLdqO112mf-FTbu-LCKY6zJ8qNN/s400/2.bmp" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGGTgK5CWZPLSkHD36eoUmvUiZW3Li-cNDtHiRgWHvNO0ryU3V7DtWmIBYrn0EOg5qM96gwzALt3SvqwdkgFHi_H-yRMgu0B12oUlPtcop-5yn-Eu3N8mOEpX-9VWS7w9iszdWKxswlmhr/s1600/3.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5578594121861826034" style="DISPLAY: block; 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MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 287px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXWJwx5-1BLE57fHTbjbosQhOm3ozkIuacEWubjvZbioieJUuBogmopL8LrLHUBbStJNmYgKnwrm-9ySSWKxnpnQZtNk4ezHjgBwe1Gvkqahci4QG7SUyIgESJBi-zYqwtQMhX12kDTlJs/s400/25.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQNg3jwKgtX2o8hdINeOCAcGi5KJXFvK0fQLALN2jUO-PfXWI5UNUXc9HS_bjXgqbde2MJ7g6GbYI5iLtRNynqMqQbwW39A1wlzbJDTxtDJcTA24LRYUEOHOsslz2lnhwHJsu8civw4Ms5/s1600/26.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5578591273725937762" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 234px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQNg3jwKgtX2o8hdINeOCAcGi5KJXFvK0fQLALN2jUO-PfXWI5UNUXc9HS_bjXgqbde2MJ7g6GbYI5iLtRNynqMqQbwW39A1wlzbJDTxtDJcTA24LRYUEOHOsslz2lnhwHJsu8civw4Ms5/s400/26.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbIGvooeYHgWFP95xQ7b2u-toXBnUdLhcaXUS47Xi002ADbu542fQEy8lg8MO9Gd0ZygDqznfOKteUMRrNRW7IIOkV1STfbGAtgKCrzlz8d_HDbn18CMkaBJyFvLkSiyWd2sw4uIIhyphenhyphen85Z/s1600/27.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5578591267903519154" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbIGvooeYHgWFP95xQ7b2u-toXBnUdLhcaXUS47Xi002ADbu542fQEy8lg8MO9Gd0ZygDqznfOKteUMRrNRW7IIOkV1STfbGAtgKCrzlz8d_HDbn18CMkaBJyFvLkSiyWd2sw4uIIhyphenhyphen85Z/s400/27.bmp" border="0" /></a><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaEdukephtZ7KObKCUKhjE2qaA8JUmEM6_EwUQvBxbLyluMnfjxANqr-XrntScjTOoVf-skpuTwuIFEK2dXJ_PslIk-q_BZXuRaa8CfrYlcNP6P2OwISs6w-aYA8WkHunByn3X-kj7pJ3u/s1600/28.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5578591261325410242" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaEdukephtZ7KObKCUKhjE2qaA8JUmEM6_EwUQvBxbLyluMnfjxANqr-XrntScjTOoVf-skpuTwuIFEK2dXJ_PslIk-q_BZXuRaa8CfrYlcNP6P2OwISs6w-aYA8WkHunByn3X-kj7pJ3u/s400/28.jpg" border="0" /></a>If you arent sure what is going on with half of the photos read my previous post.... and also all the photos of the views from melbourne are from my hotel i was staying at i was on the 47th floor :D </div><div><br /><div>so the top half are photos from Melb and a few on the bottom are recent random photos... and the photo where i look horrible and sweaty with the guy with long hair... well thats Danny Carey from Tool... so the best photo EVER!</div><div></div><div>Thanks :D</div><div></div><div>Hope you guys still like my photos ahahaha.</div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div>Seeing in colourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03658646784268801753noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797141490398966565.post-70794350972367077232011-02-28T10:51:00.003+08:002011-02-28T12:13:14.386+08:00What happened to my blog?!<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Ahahah</span> oh well... no matters, at the moment i cant be bothered organising to fix it so it will just have to stay the way it is.<br /><br />If any of you read this anymore <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">im</span> sorry it has been so long... <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">im</span> pretty hopeless and having <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">facebook</span> back has meant that i <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">haven't</span> felt the need to vent on here as much but <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">thats</span> a little bit of a lie, there is so much i need to get off my chest and word vomit about but it just seems silly to do so because its always the same <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">lardidah</span>.<br /><br />I <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">haven't</span> weighed myself for months.... i wont let myself... <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">im</span> in fear it has gone up and until i feel like its gone down again <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">im</span> not going to step foot on it and yesterday i ate so badly right now it would be the worst decision to get back on the scales. I <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">haven't</span> weighed myself since before my holiday and since coming back from my holiday i have been to scared to actually jump on the scales.<br /><br />I <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">don't</span> think i have had any huge gains but i certainly would be pretty upset if it <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">hasn't</span> moved to much, funnily enough without even doing much of anything i have felt like i have lost some but <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">that's</span> probably just kidding myself <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">ahahaha</span>.<br /><br />Since coming back from Melbourne its changed a lot inside my head.... there is this new confidence that has come about but <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">im</span> not sure what it is from....<br /><br />Melbourne kind of made me realise life is to short and i need to be leaving more and doing what i should be doing and not letting my body hold me back as i am beautiful.<br /><br />I met two guys over in <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">Melbourne</span>.... 1 that i hooked up with and 1 that i was potentially meant <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">ot</span> hook up with when i got back to <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">Perth</span> but ill tell you about my <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">Melbourne</span> story now....<br /><br />Melbourne.... oh Melbourne.... the new love of my life.... i actually do feel i must write this all down so i have a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">definite</span> re cap of the amazing events of my holiday.... even though this is weeks after i got back.<br /><br />Flew out on the Friday from 40degree weather into Melbourne hot weather (i was hoping <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">it'd</span> be nice and cool... <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">umm</span> no) i got into <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">melb</span> at about 7 at night i think and it was still light and bright until around 8:30-9pm which i kinda <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_24">didn't</span> like but <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_25">thats</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_26">ok</span>... first <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_27">night</span> stayed in and ate pizza with my friends who i was staying with.<br />Saturday we ventured out during the day (nice and hot) and went shopping in Fitzroy i think which not to much happened but i did buy a new dress and cardigan that i now LOVE! (ill show you pictures). Came home that night and organised to go to the Croft Institute which is a bar in China Town that is hidden down an alley. We got there and it was SUPER HOT but relatively easy to find and because its <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_28">unique</span> every tourist was there possible, you drink out of syringes and stuff <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_29">ahahah</span> ti was amusing but too hot for me to enjoy myself. We then went to Cherry Bar and drank more which was fun as there was a bunch of glam rockers there who were hilarious to look at.<br />Sunday more shopping and late breakfast and then later that night we went to the Ding Dong Lounge for my friends gig which was yet again hot but pretty <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_30">damnnn</span> fun, met new people hung around and acted like a groupie to the band. Josh one of the guys from the band his cousin was staying with him from America and this boy was <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_31">soooo</span> nice and it was nice to meet fun different people. Id like to point out that the whole time i was in <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_32">Melbourne</span> i only met like 2 people who were actually from Melbourne... otherwise i partied with mostly people from <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_33">Perth</span>, the rest of Australia and <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_34">Americans</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_35">lol</span>!<br />Monday was a bit more of a recovery day but we did go into the city for more shopping and it seemed it was going to be a ridiculously hot day but actually in the city it was nice and cool and we met up with a friend of mine and had lunch and we all hung out acting like idiots. That night we all had <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_36">Deftones</span>.... which <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_37">omg</span> so <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_38">ridiculously</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_39">excited</span> for....<br />We rocked up to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_40">Deftones</span> a little late and it was packed and hot in the venue but the venue was amazing The Palace is incredible! <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_41">Anywhoo</span> my friend <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_42">Hanou</span> was there and he was standing on the stairs <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_43">in front</span> of the sound guys which was probably one of the better positions and so i squished in with him in front of the sound desk.... i was standing next to these two guy and i asked if they were from <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_44">Melb</span> (that was my thing to do...) and they replied with no we are from Sydney and i was like <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_45">ohh</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_46">ok</span> and are you only over here for <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_47">Deftones</span> and the guy directly next to me was like <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_48">ummmm</span> nah <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_49">im</span> here doing Tools lighting.... when he said this i gave <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_50">him i</span> a dirty look and was all like <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_51">yeahhhh</span> right buddy you wish.... so we stood around for a little and then i needed to go to the loo so i walked through everyone to the toilets and then tried to make my way back to my friends.... well anyways this crazy skinhead guy <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_52">wouldn't</span> let me through, he was huge and was having a go at me for being late and how i <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_53">didn't</span> deserve it and how i would block his friends view (which i <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_54">wasn't</span> doing int he first place) it all got pretty <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_55">aggressive</span> and i was freaking out a little thinking this guy was about to deck me.... everyone else was watching which <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_56">was</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_57">super</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_58">embarrassing</span>... i told him i <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_59">wasn't</span> even from <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_60">melb</span> and flew over for these guys and if he could not be a prick and let me in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_61">thatd</span> be <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_62">appreciative</span>... so anyways finally he looks at his mate and is like "what do ya reckon man?!" and they finally stepped aside and let me in.... assholes when i got back to my spot everyone was all asking me if i was <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_63">ok</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_64">aahahah</span>. So anyways i stood next to the guys i was with before and the guy with the long hair (who was pretty <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_65">damnn</span> hot) turned to me and told me he was going to get more drinks and to save his spot... i said cool no worries. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_66">Deftones</span> started playing and he <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_67">wasn't</span> back so i was hanging with his friend who was cool.... it was so hot in the venue we were all sweating our balls off it was nasty.... so anyways the cute guy with long hair who had told me he worked for <strong>Tools lighting crew</strong> ended up not lying.... when i next looked at the stage there he <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_68">wass</span> behind stage watching <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_69">Deftones</span>... and here i was telling myself <strong><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_70">OMG</span> YOU JUST LET THAT GUY GET AWAY</strong>..... so <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_71">Deftones</span> were amazing and it was a stupidly awesome show and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_72">im</span> glad i saw them.... when it was all over the lighting guy came back and he started to want to talk to me but i had to leave because my friends were walking out.... when we had gotten out i was totally regretting not <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_73">getting</span> that guys number because he was a hook up for Tool <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_74">arghh</span>($&(@&$(_@ so we stood (<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_75">im</span> such a groupie). So my friends decided to get dinner at this late night <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_76">Indian</span> restaurant so i figured i hang around the front having a cigarette and see if any of these guys come out but ill make it not look so suss.<br />So anyways the sound guy for <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_77">Deftones</span> comes out and starts talking to me and he was very cool.... then after waiting for ages the guy with long hair ends up <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_78">coming</span> out and sees me and comes over to talk (his name is <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_79">Jared</span> by the way) anyways he tells me that his coming over to <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_80">Perth</span> for Tools lighting and if i wanna catch up to give my number to him... so <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_81">that's</span> what he does, takes my number... WINNER! he gives a polite kiss and cuddle when i leave and then <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_82">that's</span> it.... i was like a kid in a candy story so stupidly excited.<br />Tuesday the day was mostly spent doing nothing but the boys flew in early (mike and his brother) because they were there for TOOL like me and they met up at Tina & <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_83">Kanes</span> house so we all could go into the city together and shop and get some lunch... That night we all had booked <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_84">Dracula's</span> which was so fun! Good food, fun bunch of people and an awesome show, i got a free photo with the whole crew because we were so hilarious mucking around with them. I would recommend everyone to go to <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_85">Dracula's</span> its so much fun!<br />Wednesday night was TOOL night.... i booked into my super ritzy hotel and the boys and i went for lunch then to the museum and then back to our hotels for naps....<br />The boys met me at my hotel to catch a cab to Tool and we lined up in the unexpected heat.. it was so hot waiting to go in we were all sweating and i made myself look pretty for nothing. Then we ran when we go in to get a good standing position.... in all honesty it was so uncomfortable waiting for them to come on but in the end it was so worth it... i was standing next to some cool guys from Adelaide that were fun! After seeing Tool.... WHO WERE AMAZING.... we caught a taxi to Cherry Bar to have a drink because it was close to our hotels. We all ended up getting smashed drunk at this bar and i met a boy who i ended up hooking up with.... and said boy i was hooking up with told me that two of the guys from Tool just walked in... i was like <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_86">WHHATTTTTTTTTT</span> so i ended up drinking with Danny Carey and Justin Chancellor from Tool... i cant express how crazy this is on this blog.... my life was now complete. So i was stupid drunk and hooking up with this guy and he kept pressuring me to go back to my hotel... and i was like nah (i <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_87">didn't</span> know him from a bar of soap) so mike ended up rescuing me and taking me back to my hotel where we <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_88">frolicked</span> the whole way because we were so spun out we got to meet the guys from Tool.<br />Thursday.... so hung over and tired.... at this stage i had been out until 5am nearly every <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_89">morning</span> since i had been in Melbourne so i was surprised i was still <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_90">surviving</span>. Went shopping on Chapel street with the boys and found some good buys. That night was my only chilled night to stay in my hotel and Josh ended up inviting me to his for that night so i ended up catching public transport on my own to his place in Brunswick which was an adventure in itself <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_91">ahahaha</span> then i came back to my hotel, watched Fantasia and had a bath and ate bad food... it was awesome!<br />Friday i was meant to fly out but i had changed my flights so that i could hang out for one more night to watch <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_92">Kanes</span> band for one last time because they were breaking up.<br />Went to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_93">Yah</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_94">Yahs</span> that night and drank to much too quick... there were mini floods where we were going and it was crazy.... i was beginning to get sick... everything finally was catching up with me and i felt <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_95">a little</span> miserable but i still ended up having fun.... when they had finished playing they ended up putting on 1950's-60's old school rock n roll which was super good to listen too... so Daniel, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_96">Josh's</span> cousin got up to dance with me which was amazing.... he was such a good dancer and it was the perfect way to end my last night in Melbourne because dancing with someone who can dance is so much fun.<br />Saturday went to a friends shop in <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_97">Melbourne</span> quickly before i flew out and bought a black rockabilly swing dress which is cute! Then flew out at 3pm <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_98">Melbourne</span> time.... i was pretty sick by this time and i was lucky enough to have 2 seats to myself on the flight home... <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_99">THANKGOD</span> and i chilled out the whole flight <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_100">yay</span>.<br /><br />So after all my M<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_101">elbourne</span> adventures i flew back into Perth at 4pm where the following day i had the BIG DAY OUT..... and i was so sick :(<br />Went to the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_102">BDO</span> and had an amazing time... <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_103">Rammstein</span> were super rock n roll and i ended up messaging Jared the lighting guy and we saw <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_104">eachother</span> at the end of Tool where he gave me the printed off set list.... which was pretty amazing... without going into detail i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_105">couldnt</span> see him that night as he flew out at 6am so we sent <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_106">eachother</span> some pretty naughty text messages.....<br /><br />So anyways life is crazy... Melbourne was crazy and i came back seeing things differently.<br />Tim is driving me insane but <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_107">im</span> trying to move on from him because he needs to voice whether he likes me or not soon cause i wont stay around for him because <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_108">im</span> considering selling my house and moving to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_109">melb</span>.<br /><br />Another boy has just come out of nowhere who i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_110">haven't</span> seen for years and blatantly told me he wants a casual thing... which i might be up for... we have had a lot of sexual tension for many years now....<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_111">Im</span> going to do another post just of photos as this one is insane long.Seeing in colourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03658646784268801753noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797141490398966565.post-24669371383270722132011-01-23T19:24:00.003+08:002011-01-23T19:58:47.162+08:00Life is ridiculous... one minute its black next minute it is white.It amazes me how quickly things can change and how the smallest thing can affect you.<br /><br />I had a very eventful weekend... but it has left me feeling unsure but its not surprising as i have been feeling quite odd lately.<br /><br />Last sunday i had a little bit of a break down.... (period must have brought on my fantic emotional side). I was feeling as always so perplexed by men and their actions and as to why i feel like i just will never beautiful in their eyes which is completely ridiculous.. .. i know... or maybe its the men i hang around or maybe i deliberately did my own holes because i subconsciously like the challenge? Why in the hell i would do that to myself i have no idea... i like somehow upsetting myself.<br /><br />Anyways to get to the point i message a friend of mine, he is incredibly intelligent and i cant describe how amazing he is as a human being, we connect on another level and love eachother immensely for just who WE are. I message him the following-<br />"as you are one of the only males i know that has more clarity and sanity then others im going to ask this completely random/retarded question to one of the only makes opinions i value. Whats so wrong with me that guys just dont even see me more then a friend.. is it because im too intimidating or fat? i know it sounds cliche but its killing me and your views always enlighten me"<br /><br />His reply was-<br />"Theres nothing wrong with you, or anyone else. Its neither a matter of them or you, just illusiounary identification with earthly traits, physicality, personality on your minds behalf, tricking you into thinking you are less worth than you actually are. When you are really worth alot more, beyond anything you can think of. You are perfect. Know this"<br /><br />So after this i cried.... and cried and cried. It brought me back to reality for a whole ff i think like 4 days but yet all these horrid feelings keep creeping back in.<br /><br />On friday i went out to a couple of places, firstly i saw a bunch of people i hadnt seen for a long time and they were all like OMG you look amazing Ash whats been happening blah blah so my ego was getting fed a little there.... then i went off to a gig and saw a few people (i was in a weird mood from the beginning) one being someone i didnt want to see and all his bad energy was bouncing off me and making me feel horrible but i was doing my best to ignore it. Other then that though i was getting more compliments... and mike came up to me at some point and told me bobby from one of the bands and went up to him and was like "omg you know your friend ash.... DAYYUMMmm she looks fucking hot these days" which was good....<br />The guy who texted me the amaizng helpful words was there and we went and hid in a corner and talked away from everyone... as he is moving away i got quite emotional and we were talking about how much we loved and appreciated eachother held hands and cried... i certainly dont do things like that in public so it was needed. So that was very special but made me feel even more confused with life and its workings....<br />After all this i walked back to my car.... just before i got back to my car i walked past two drunk guys and one of them turned to me and said "<span style="font-weight: bold;">hey big girl you wanna go on a date with my friend here"</span> so after all these amazing compliments all night it only took one drunk stupid stranger to bring me back to so much self hate.... within that second everything collapsed around me and i was yet again question what is the point.<br />Im smart enough to know that the person who said this is pointless.... someone not even worth me worrying about yet its not that easy and its something that will probably haunt me for a long time.<br /><br />I like this boy... as of course i always do.... and i think i have dug myself a hole again where i like someone who blatantly doesnt share the same feelings. I dont know why i do this to myself but it is so confusing.<br />We went to AQWA (a huge aquarium) on Saturday with him and then we went to the new premiere of the Zeitgeist film and then back to his house.... i love his company, he makes me laugh and his ridiculously smart so i learn something new from him all the time.<br />I havent told him i liked him but im sure its not half obvious that i do.... so if anything were to happen im sure he would have tried it by now yet im still holding onto hope. I guess i just enjoy the company... since mike got a gf im a bit more alone and im not as good with female company... i dont find female company as stimulating as males....<br /><br />Im so sick of getting myself into these situations.<br /><br />2011 needs a shake up but i have no idea how to even start that.<br /><br />I go on my first holiday in 2 years on friday to Melbourne and the only thing im not looking forward to is the flight as i hate being tall and having big hips on planes.<br /><br />Im going to do what Alyce is doing and have basically optifast all week before i go to hopefully loose a little.<br />Ill attach some token random shots so this post isnt completely boring.<br /><br />ps. I do still read your blogs xx<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBU8O3oOPCVQueT1aLOkvXBdMciJ_03i_9TtfA26jmwVxrpcEDGvNgLTv3-BZHOmgl-5LlXSkmRKVDHyK2XUOpSTOWuVjvptUu1LPabMYLFFN_OkqVIBLANUerjZieT21223zHySYZjQbM/s1600/12.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBU8O3oOPCVQueT1aLOkvXBdMciJ_03i_9TtfA26jmwVxrpcEDGvNgLTv3-BZHOmgl-5LlXSkmRKVDHyK2XUOpSTOWuVjvptUu1LPabMYLFFN_OkqVIBLANUerjZieT21223zHySYZjQbM/s400/12.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5565349309652902018" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPaD-veSErAsWrtzh8Yoq3KWQpJ8DPRgSUBzzlFToL0t6gnLK5pgN97ryS6CwaMkwQpN5Qf4vyGbuvNdCuJxBdc-_S8nRbdL_qum_vW4QqBuEpxoSKEqf56gNqdASRp94RN7NIzWLe-bij/s1600/2.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 242px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPaD-veSErAsWrtzh8Yoq3KWQpJ8DPRgSUBzzlFToL0t6gnLK5pgN97ryS6CwaMkwQpN5Qf4vyGbuvNdCuJxBdc-_S8nRbdL_qum_vW4QqBuEpxoSKEqf56gNqdASRp94RN7NIzWLe-bij/s400/2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5565349297224334786" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6x4keNmB0G0GBZjo1f9swIdzkPGoP59_cWYVzj0U-df0pZwBKXreZBrloB-UHLe0fUedcf7p_eB3fXbdh2oTPSg_sb4lbbImKW5_CPJBvHoD-Fzk938CIbTunf63eXe7diadLzKGabwyn/s1600/19.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6x4keNmB0G0GBZjo1f9swIdzkPGoP59_cWYVzj0U-df0pZwBKXreZBrloB-UHLe0fUedcf7p_eB3fXbdh2oTPSg_sb4lbbImKW5_CPJBvHoD-Fzk938CIbTunf63eXe7diadLzKGabwyn/s400/19.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5565348615608850482" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOKXl0V7AmnBUCD9O0qGItIXWIkOINvftO1B8aIdEcot8k6gw7U3p_kF6kV4tkor7sEt2TnXYh8itDZqYAYSgE9iyC_g1Um-moov5Kc3okqnoLZtUtcBX4ioNvF9j2vtMw2VC8b_BJpihJ/s1600/18.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 355px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOKXl0V7AmnBUCD9O0qGItIXWIkOINvftO1B8aIdEcot8k6gw7U3p_kF6kV4tkor7sEt2TnXYh8itDZqYAYSgE9iyC_g1Um-moov5Kc3okqnoLZtUtcBX4ioNvF9j2vtMw2VC8b_BJpihJ/s400/18.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5565348608683848530" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtPVs6-zlKVY8EAyDNzUDOVL6Vx2qvTaNjyNdv9tMtoYbwnxjJUYCLDyDwyp0EyGQFewh-lPSIxGO0dNGDP33_8COeu3U7rfCDr_W8CLT86uxQn-ElGjSQezMTC3gQPSovklQkuuwKVVxZ/s1600/4.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtPVs6-zlKVY8EAyDNzUDOVL6Vx2qvTaNjyNdv9tMtoYbwnxjJUYCLDyDwyp0EyGQFewh-lPSIxGO0dNGDP33_8COeu3U7rfCDr_W8CLT86uxQn-ElGjSQezMTC3gQPSovklQkuuwKVVxZ/s400/4.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5565348603815335746" border="0" /></a>yeah... thats him.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfhjU0HfJe_xETTtdapGJ-SuOOLyYgDzEEqOUkog2UF6SZRX9sdbAAI1Ju3PP3tS8e_mHedHOyKLCDXA2s4Wk5U8kXRtpqWe0w09FO4E6wzsMLkHJSUCmBoR0z6-AFN4yimxZG8LjBbNO8/s1600/1.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 279px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfhjU0HfJe_xETTtdapGJ-SuOOLyYgDzEEqOUkog2UF6SZRX9sdbAAI1Ju3PP3tS8e_mHedHOyKLCDXA2s4Wk5U8kXRtpqWe0w09FO4E6wzsMLkHJSUCmBoR0z6-AFN4yimxZG8LjBbNO8/s400/1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5565348589950249842" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhBSqORAaZ5RI_vYSihO3VYwc7nIWR7O2EwXgf4DPkNFSbQv-BLagagCbeixE6Nefo75X-Pz675Nlg5_d-m87oSvMhFDZ-gwPgc7UYAYuu8Xje-NlfxDwR1ZommmrvlfqXIXzCJxbFpF6Y/s1600/10.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhBSqORAaZ5RI_vYSihO3VYwc7nIWR7O2EwXgf4DPkNFSbQv-BLagagCbeixE6Nefo75X-Pz675Nlg5_d-m87oSvMhFDZ-gwPgc7UYAYuu8Xje-NlfxDwR1ZommmrvlfqXIXzCJxbFpF6Y/s400/10.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5565348584961202338" border="0" /></a>Seeing in colourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03658646784268801753noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797141490398966565.post-90813059511820657032011-01-19T11:59:00.002+08:002011-01-19T12:07:19.170+08:00Really...Like really... how annoying is that time of the month.....<br /><br />It is screwing with everything at the moment. Mood swings like crazy, bad eating habits, weight gain that isnt really gains because it disappears not long after its all over with.<br /><br />Worst part is... im off a contraceptive and so im having my periods like normal but it is with HORRIBLE PAIN which was what it was like when i first got it in my teens.<br /><br />Im home from work because i cant function at work.... thats how bad it is.<br /><br />I have a big movie thing on tonight im meant to go to tonight and i dont wanna miss out because i half organised it..... so heres hoping i get better.<br /><br />Stupid body... its annoying me.<br /><br />Otherwise everything is ok.<br /><br />Seems that time of the month ends up defining all the confusion i have a week before.Seeing in colourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03658646784268801753noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797141490398966565.post-25248640600705636702011-01-16T15:50:00.001+08:002011-01-16T15:50:51.707+08:00Its simple....I need to reprogram my mind....Seeing in colourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03658646784268801753noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797141490398966565.post-61002501929551422742011-01-10T12:09:00.005+08:002011-01-10T12:34:25.135+08:00ALIVE.... yes i am. Picture heavyWell well well..... Allo everyone.<br />Sorry i have been so out of the loop so much has been going on over the Christmas break its been hard to focus on anything, let alone bloggin.<br /><br />So totally survived the Christmas break... here i was thinking id gain some stupid amount of weight and guess what i havent i even actually lost 1 kilo ahahah..... crazy. I actually hadnt jumped on the scales for over a month because i couldnt face it if i hadnt lost or gained... even though i havent lost much im not really phased as im getting back into things now which is good.<br /><br />I dont actually have a lot to say... im ina good place with my band, somedays can eat nearly anythign you put in front of me and somedays i can barely eat anything at all.... at the moment im right in the middle but mostly swaying to the place where i have to be mindful of what goes in my mouth so it doesnt get stuck.<br /><br />Still no PB episodes....which is great im not going to complain... 7 months since the surgery and i still havent had any issues there... i threw up on christmas day but it had nothing to do with the band.<br />Im still at that place where if i dont exercise i dont loose big numbers and i havent done anything over the christmas break so im slowly trying to ween myself back into being good and doing the hour each day that i was doing before.<br /><br />New year now.... im not going to set any stupid new years goals... im going to go with the flow and set goals along the way, im hoping for new exciting this year though.<br /><br />On the boy front.... nothing new always the same although more guys do pay more attention to me these days.... i still crush on a boy thats probably going nowhere anytime soon ahahaha... i did sleep with a guy the other weekend for the first time since the surgery and in all honesty i dont think it made any difference i still havent shed alot of insecurities that i have and they will probably remain for a long time.<br /><br />Clothes are getting looser but i wouldnt say i have any outfits that are TOO big now... stuff still fits but looks silly because its not as fitted. I have my holiday in 3 weeks..... i wish i had lost more weight before i left to go and i know its still going to be uncomfortable on the plane as my hips still are big :( BAH! but heres hoping i can loose some more weight before i go anyways.<br /><br />So i guess thats enough... heres hoping i update again sooner rather then later.<br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5560406930433098962" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSiZPPc-yhf2_CmZTICWh_eUx7p2hP4yIydnSctT2ukPXZmvDDTDl53lcONyWv1uYkXtW94Y9uiixSHryFsA84642-CcvAC27sCqbvEYGOItt7-u_vokg5zbpdhusFCs3YwpkVNSYb3-wa/s400/164709_127558513975923_100001653251802_196191_7618105_n.jpg" border="0" /><br />This was a shot i took the other day just after getting my hair done<br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzssat7SbNOzmi5GHX_TmUoXS-EaMvmkKlWH6nb_t3e65R8Dpd9lCHCqIDuNJ9B6DQUq6afoXE_ivwpwnDOzVfOSU81h7v3kLnv7_dAamQ7u0HV3F7pUn1hoYbxtN4ImjaK2DkzJrBopZt/s1600/165306_125119837553124_100001653251802_178856_3577701_n.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5560406924816904786" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzssat7SbNOzmi5GHX_TmUoXS-EaMvmkKlWH6nb_t3e65R8Dpd9lCHCqIDuNJ9B6DQUq6afoXE_ivwpwnDOzVfOSU81h7v3kLnv7_dAamQ7u0HV3F7pUn1hoYbxtN4ImjaK2DkzJrBopZt/s400/165306_125119837553124_100001653251802_178856_3577701_n.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />Me at my BBq i held :D<br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhY-E0j_68WctGeX9JFE3WzBmyhAg-b5qsK9fn40BXJlO0X0kEN1kgMNyNFSBR1QI9_cPnLYLKQNmGcVe8xPthRgqr-NS0iMRH67NfuwTBELmXRob8n6XBntcpN-hM4WguimoaLy9l9v2C/s1600/166302_176991345674549_100000910552009_403254_2152379_n.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5560406918496597218" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhY-E0j_68WctGeX9JFE3WzBmyhAg-b5qsK9fn40BXJlO0X0kEN1kgMNyNFSBR1QI9_cPnLYLKQNmGcVe8xPthRgqr-NS0iMRH67NfuwTBELmXRob8n6XBntcpN-hM4WguimoaLy9l9v2C/s400/166302_176991345674549_100000910552009_403254_2152379_n.jpg" border="0" /></a> Tagged pictures on facebook... i dont like my photo being taken but its not AS bad these days<br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzhex6PcmZguLQv3KH4MgNt_DfwywFAxO6K6IdsiJVYl3nEDalqrS3FPqMkOTwkr2jog8pOvPNDTPKOcb_zxDRm7ZyMesnlJGVmwh_bOqcKLXdat65mieolkzOKx0mHDGrPnm80aJmTX8m/s1600/167293_176990599007957_100000910552009_403224_5411012_n.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5560406913665842066" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 299px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzhex6PcmZguLQv3KH4MgNt_DfwywFAxO6K6IdsiJVYl3nEDalqrS3FPqMkOTwkr2jog8pOvPNDTPKOcb_zxDRm7ZyMesnlJGVmwh_bOqcKLXdat65mieolkzOKx0mHDGrPnm80aJmTX8m/s400/167293_176990599007957_100000910552009_403224_5411012_n.jpg" border="0" /></a> Another tagged shot<br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHR-nbkT1MTNJukCB4h1WsbGs2pS0_Do9BngVXnlQRqYBeJJLBDi6Qi80gg9PQbXd8I0pO3xO4o4Xj1UpCCDb6UO_0x8DhRVdcgECwB5EZTHMJooyBZ8TpUiOA2_jkszrmp52mwPtiCUps/s1600/167317_176993719007645_100000910552009_403294_2066681_n.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5560406914902583634" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHR-nbkT1MTNJukCB4h1WsbGs2pS0_Do9BngVXnlQRqYBeJJLBDi6Qi80gg9PQbXd8I0pO3xO4o4Xj1UpCCDb6UO_0x8DhRVdcgECwB5EZTHMJooyBZ8TpUiOA2_jkszrmp52mwPtiCUps/s400/167317_176993719007645_100000910552009_403294_2066681_n.jpg" border="0" /></a> Another tagged shot<br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMJej9XpT6kLfgIWRYQG_K5jrQYHbDWvl0QY9sUiW_Y39RC2Ty5A_05h44yDto1hAMdVFP6lJLcEZcebxLDlyqYJl4cg0fbnj-hhHMEr2fHTD8wO4dItBFpE5AXUty-r10tke6u-4zmU3l/s1600/167353_176994715674212_100000910552009_403329_1262292_n.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5560406563022199986" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 299px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMJej9XpT6kLfgIWRYQG_K5jrQYHbDWvl0QY9sUiW_Y39RC2Ty5A_05h44yDto1hAMdVFP6lJLcEZcebxLDlyqYJl4cg0fbnj-hhHMEr2fHTD8wO4dItBFpE5AXUty-r10tke6u-4zmU3l/s400/167353_176994715674212_100000910552009_403329_1262292_n.jpg" border="0" /></a> Another tagged shot<br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrOLZeu2lJVd1JykxY-Ya8O3n4yHfEI7iHhuV3MCH_2iy5GpD3SgoO3Kvb9wYznsxEXzDDcwfB6jRPXyfB4rPX_AyMzD4qqx5NEnKsTMu5BYv19Kz3jKp429NBSWcYLJJ3Hl0gNoNf7xYO/s1600/167447_124646327600475_100001653251802_175247_5328752_n.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5560406559718395218" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrOLZeu2lJVd1JykxY-Ya8O3n4yHfEI7iHhuV3MCH_2iy5GpD3SgoO3Kvb9wYznsxEXzDDcwfB6jRPXyfB4rPX_AyMzD4qqx5NEnKsTMu5BYv19Kz3jKp429NBSWcYLJJ3Hl0gNoNf7xYO/s400/167447_124646327600475_100001653251802_175247_5328752_n.jpg" border="0" /></a> Me infront of the skinny mirror<br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeIagYYxvCVIcMTEheLSpWc2vYmpNFdonkZfp7VlmICWOYy2SGXEMQEaJyx9AMLBnPHIeGNSMuXYNi7aOZ4h6h1QIGjPKoeVFJ157C3Wj0yxFDqHXxQvFOQwI1zk5cnB5Xw_vP1t960yvw/s1600/168177_176994055674278_100000910552009_403306_2322449_n.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5560406551707881298" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeIagYYxvCVIcMTEheLSpWc2vYmpNFdonkZfp7VlmICWOYy2SGXEMQEaJyx9AMLBnPHIeGNSMuXYNi7aOZ4h6h1QIGjPKoeVFJ157C3Wj0yxFDqHXxQvFOQwI1zk5cnB5Xw_vP1t960yvw/s400/168177_176994055674278_100000910552009_403306_2322449_n.jpg" border="0" /></a> Tagged shot<br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHI5Zr01tGFuO9cGPsUB0Im9PqBdB9DqJmr-fwcOZ14nh5Rslb-rkOWP7MyjL-RCuMOQhRg5pVc-f_lPVnJCvTIY6EYotTegLZGNvrkNZGV4iZR9SMU-m501n0oFGeD_G2N80CSn2ENOik/s1600/168470_126111810787260_100001653251802_185081_2486043_n.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5560406553917482898" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 295px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHI5Zr01tGFuO9cGPsUB0Im9PqBdB9DqJmr-fwcOZ14nh5Rslb-rkOWP7MyjL-RCuMOQhRg5pVc-f_lPVnJCvTIY6EYotTegLZGNvrkNZGV4iZR9SMU-m501n0oFGeD_G2N80CSn2ENOik/s400/168470_126111810787260_100001653251802_185081_2486043_n.jpg" border="0" /></a> this was from New years<br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPeSEyUIXFX72aUjx3gpuFkShJuxCOOfAzw3VTIlzlvy0xQCD3JIrFRkhsYjMVsj1rdY0HDE9VDREZQPAsdi42G6VHBm81slk903tvqOO_Fga4oGge9nWlGYs16CDEMzWs3mwMfSZ-sAIB/s1600/untitled.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5560406547816460898" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPeSEyUIXFX72aUjx3gpuFkShJuxCOOfAzw3VTIlzlvy0xQCD3JIrFRkhsYjMVsj1rdY0HDE9VDREZQPAsdi42G6VHBm81slk903tvqOO_Fga4oGge9nWlGYs16CDEMzWs3mwMfSZ-sAIB/s400/untitled.bmp" border="0" /></a> mikes new girlfriend and i...(i approve of this one)<br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDsl8ci4hcuaGQwJtsCLWEYdkVhyO9Zf4PKLektr3s7Nvtr2_e8cc6syAYKvDthQTnddYsxxOWrPTbsOXZFJfxG0BaTwANY7D9ud62oTRkICmOkOVfxoThyVq3VAfUvaqIyh5p0gkrttQV/s1600/164012_126364294095345_100001653251802_187451_354766_n.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5560406042037019522" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDsl8ci4hcuaGQwJtsCLWEYdkVhyO9Zf4PKLektr3s7Nvtr2_e8cc6syAYKvDthQTnddYsxxOWrPTbsOXZFJfxG0BaTwANY7D9ud62oTRkICmOkOVfxoThyVq3VAfUvaqIyh5p0gkrttQV/s400/164012_126364294095345_100001653251802_187451_354766_n.jpg" border="0" /></a> me and my best friend<br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPT-7m27P5-7_r6wn4eNnUfzVjMKKhCTt_ULE0wv_0r2iiTQf1GG6E0J5WMPZdH4bgOULfHWLKemU6C9Yo1iQ4KoR8G9X9IlqoYWKtqPXvrlf3lcHuobb7JJXnWbCukBnH8rWiu6tCuigi/s1600/163687_125333107531797_100001653251802_179922_1711004_n.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5560406032090004162" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPT-7m27P5-7_r6wn4eNnUfzVjMKKhCTt_ULE0wv_0r2iiTQf1GG6E0J5WMPZdH4bgOULfHWLKemU6C9Yo1iQ4KoR8G9X9IlqoYWKtqPXvrlf3lcHuobb7JJXnWbCukBnH8rWiu6tCuigi/s400/163687_125333107531797_100001653251802_179922_1711004_n.jpg" border="0" /></a> me eating my ninja bread christmas<br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinH2ZWosjGCUvETY2WeIsIUe3s5wBxOjfdHy2xSRswqjkAOV4nUloN6PcuXDL9CgPvnzubEh3Zz6Agl1xRAix9LKdOgVsnWlcVrMmnzd1Ao5OkghYaRuba0k-YPnD47FsCB4PcuuJItoRK/s1600/163283_127485913983183_100001653251802_195775_2068927_n.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5560406029564631810" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinH2ZWosjGCUvETY2WeIsIUe3s5wBxOjfdHy2xSRswqjkAOV4nUloN6PcuXDL9CgPvnzubEh3Zz6Agl1xRAix9LKdOgVsnWlcVrMmnzd1Ao5OkghYaRuba0k-YPnD47FsCB4PcuuJItoRK/s400/163283_127485913983183_100001653251802_195775_2068927_n.jpg" border="0" /></a> went to the outdoor movies and it rained ahahahah<br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgecUZaghqi5rqJ15ybhuk83zlr9oQh7zm4vcbzYwkUupnmhSgdWbBC0aU647cIsd-4VyUxemcwEVTmHPRM074N1vihd9iX2xDeB6e3rd3aUUAf7upicXONMw7RfKcoKYYm0foBbNKul-IE/s1600/162973_126364277428680_100001653251802_187450_1774820_n.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5560406027263286450" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgecUZaghqi5rqJ15ybhuk83zlr9oQh7zm4vcbzYwkUupnmhSgdWbBC0aU647cIsd-4VyUxemcwEVTmHPRM074N1vihd9iX2xDeB6e3rd3aUUAf7upicXONMw7RfKcoKYYm0foBbNKul-IE/s400/162973_126364277428680_100001653251802_187450_1774820_n.jpg" border="0" /></a> A bullet hole i made with my make up for a last minute costume party<br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7hwZgqQDw9-D6WgaxHaDC5phUQcR8EBZhlNPTD7LOaN60rah_gmsRRcRaiDyF1U1ghvMEWvZJHSytKhIonlOD7VjJW17UYC-HZpObXqaK7xhDedSwFUokqeNcgoToCZzSj2e2r3n2GllC/s1600/162938_126112487453859_100001653251802_185087_7559447_n.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5560406025283316594" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7hwZgqQDw9-D6WgaxHaDC5phUQcR8EBZhlNPTD7LOaN60rah_gmsRRcRaiDyF1U1ghvMEWvZJHSytKhIonlOD7VjJW17UYC-HZpObXqaK7xhDedSwFUokqeNcgoToCZzSj2e2r3n2GllC/s400/162938_126112487453859_100001653251802_185087_7559447_n.jpg" border="0" /></a> Lovely Liz and i!</div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div>Seeing in colourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03658646784268801753noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797141490398966565.post-72373465161649807202010-12-12T11:19:00.002+08:002010-12-12T11:32:16.358+08:00Where am i at?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxfTNefhM3JyQgwwDgNH93m3pllDlxKdUhz2kJOEd_Bn06o5j2wlJ3EUj1y-y0P7FVRlc_1koQPTsMfbPyjuKyVJ6vm0TyyOF3NN4Ct-t8abOBZvu01LE9hc8xx1w3HWyLbHero6r4u1oT/s1600/3.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxfTNefhM3JyQgwwDgNH93m3pllDlxKdUhz2kJOEd_Bn06o5j2wlJ3EUj1y-y0P7FVRlc_1koQPTsMfbPyjuKyVJ6vm0TyyOF3NN4Ct-t8abOBZvu01LE9hc8xx1w3HWyLbHero6r4u1oT/s400/3.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5549633342691687154" border="0" /></a>not the best photo but this is with one of my friends from a week or so ago<br /><br />Good question.....<br /><br /><br />On the band front i think all is ok, like i said the other day the surgeon is very happy with where i am at so im feeling pretty good too.... but i do no that some of the choices im making and what im putting in my mouth isnt the best but as long as im aware of it i think its ok.<br /><br /><br />On the emotional front i have been suffering quite a bit with loneliness but its funny because i have been so good.... i think its a balance thing, things cant be awesome all the time so theres bound to be moments when you crash and burn and unfortunately recently that has been happening. Maybe its because its getting closer to christmas and i always seem to reflect around holiday on how i am alone. I have only had a couple of rough nights on my own but heres hoping this week is better.<br /><br /><br />Honestly the only thing i really look forward to now is derby training and i have only just started that but i think it gives me a sense of purpose and its a decent hobby. This is important for me and i hope hope hope that i can get fit enough and stick with it. My friend who trains with me messaged me last night because she was so excited about going again which was so cute.<br /><br />Laughter is amazing isnt it? LAst night i went out to watch a friends band which was fun in itself but i had spoken to tim and he invited me over his if i didnt want to stay out and so i went to see the band for a little and then went over his and even though i was having fun with my friends i always see them and do that so going and seeing tim was something different. We stayed up watching The Room and then some skits on youtube..... it was hilarious..... it hurt from laughing so much! I like hanging out with him..... yet another one of those situations where they are probably just friends but i get a crush although i have had a crush on this guy for like 5 yrs now so maybe its fair to say its ok if i have small feelings for him..... hopefully he will wanna hang soon.<br /><br /><br />Mikes got a new girl in his life which is AWESOME but means i have another person gone to hang out with..... maybe thats why i have been so funny about it all.... maybe its because my bestie has disapeared on me. Oh well.Seeing in colourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03658646784268801753noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797141490398966565.post-25242188857416628232010-12-10T13:36:00.002+08:002010-12-10T13:39:39.342+08:00Went to get a fill...Went to get a fill and the Dr told me nope not now maybe not ever.... his super happy with how i am going specially with all my exercise. I have lost 7 kg = 15.4 lbs in 2-3 months and he wanted bigger numbers then that but i was happy too.<br /><br />PS. I joined rollerderby..... my god i have never known a sport to be so intense... its awesome tho :DSeeing in colourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03658646784268801753noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797141490398966565.post-31390110730227285162010-12-07T10:32:00.007+08:002010-12-07T15:22:37.870+08:00Arghhh the wonders of life.....photos photos and more photosLOL BTW ITS MY 6 MONTH BAND ANNIVERSSARY AND I DIDNT EVEN REALISE... ahahahah!<br />I guess i should have weighed myself today but ill go but last weeks results....<br />32 kg = 70.4 lbs<br /><br />so im very much sitting around the same figures but im ok with that.... i have something like 26kilos to loose over the next 6months and im completely happy with that ;-D<br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5547769149557655746" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 273px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj04i6-9rJyE23J_LSguUbFKQtzIjvp3kaHaZ5UlwbdxMi_1NDdXbPPKuUwpXRFDa_dClUeir2WGoaau1TyWcvQIxxpXhIU9jV55XTp_WaFwk3Etvw4dWO7kOtoW3jCKvenrjoqJBFnCaGu/s400/150307_117296085002166_100001653251802_132276_7585961_n.jpg" border="0" /> A random shot i took awhile back.<br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhypp_zOt7W6lI9Wy54CI5O7c9H5wNqyieIrqfZ_kSPrqCrwYWCBi1qa1OE7FG2KQdbgXTcSeV0Vz0wAouzN1a3j1W79ZMSfo7treHMyxVgz4MxSKnmOd3SWl9B0UzwOMAbf7gU5Cpq2_nB/s1600/156664_118509404880834_100001653251802_139183_3543773_n.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5547769145137229618" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhypp_zOt7W6lI9Wy54CI5O7c9H5wNqyieIrqfZ_kSPrqCrwYWCBi1qa1OE7FG2KQdbgXTcSeV0Vz0wAouzN1a3j1W79ZMSfo7treHMyxVgz4MxSKnmOd3SWl9B0UzwOMAbf7gU5Cpq2_nB/s400/156664_118509404880834_100001653251802_139183_3543773_n.jpg" border="0" /></a> Got a bit random with my friend dave the other night and heres a couple of photos from the adventures...<br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX_Fk_T4QwbIy_z1VqwsCTrXhBji5mBDKQj86B5Ep-bTwwTiQz00n0_Yhu1QXYPEO93p9ipeXhHW0hIIprBTBHGe-fCTyH8wlNExMbEynSCG-PgB6gcfFt10MHHopBKbHxpR6C7FxjihD_/s1600/148183_118508851547556_100001653251802_139177_612771_n.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5547769134734743138" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX_Fk_T4QwbIy_z1VqwsCTrXhBji5mBDKQj86B5Ep-bTwwTiQz00n0_Yhu1QXYPEO93p9ipeXhHW0hIIprBTBHGe-fCTyH8wlNExMbEynSCG-PgB6gcfFt10MHHopBKbHxpR6C7FxjihD_/s400/148183_118508851547556_100001653251802_139177_612771_n.jpg" border="0" /></a> Dave in his madhatters hat... his obsessed with it.<br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCoOY_xqnyjBoeQSEPoAlqOSOM1SeuRHOa74VOO0PVmufI0s1RdQ9dKMSZWg1jEhYNYYH0a13B3Ddv-v9506St9oRIZ_Kolph21bNJVZd0IiGCPoJd7NnOtPSsNjhSCik14bAjtgQK_XUW/s1600/156212_118509391547502_100001653251802_139179_6039927_n.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5547769124069759362" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 285px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCoOY_xqnyjBoeQSEPoAlqOSOM1SeuRHOa74VOO0PVmufI0s1RdQ9dKMSZWg1jEhYNYYH0a13B3Ddv-v9506St9oRIZ_Kolph21bNJVZd0IiGCPoJd7NnOtPSsNjhSCik14bAjtgQK_XUW/s400/156212_118509391547502_100001653251802_139179_6039927_n.jpg" border="0" /></a> Nawwww his cute.<br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH-dbxIRkc_TbShFs9iiWND6GmgyDWT15dPv-5ijsT9NpURxbdt3n4YKXlLrxZX2pcCuCZ0TSEtTWYMeffomdYJ50xAXu52l1LGJDhRv97gzRr9fmjV7a7sOs4wpy2ozOzbgG64oRaUCHo/s1600/150580_118509524880822_100001653251802_139185_5640530_n.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5547769121812267938" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 203px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH-dbxIRkc_TbShFs9iiWND6GmgyDWT15dPv-5ijsT9NpURxbdt3n4YKXlLrxZX2pcCuCZ0TSEtTWYMeffomdYJ50xAXu52l1LGJDhRv97gzRr9fmjV7a7sOs4wpy2ozOzbgG64oRaUCHo/s400/150580_118509524880822_100001653251802_139185_5640530_n.jpg" border="0" /></a> Me in his mask he made years ago lol<br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4LrBQaoxox7HDMTgcXuPOaUxzia9iY_GxC3LNvPv0fFAMkm4-Qh_SGPySKSuwTsYifAk2Fx2oZvIfP3Sd6y-W_devxRY038Ukd-6S2NCkgeUxqK7YMllEcDo4trHtAV-ua54mrSCKKS5E/s1600/155229_117542161644225_100001653251802_134109_497658_n.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5547768249397734946" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 267px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4LrBQaoxox7HDMTgcXuPOaUxzia9iY_GxC3LNvPv0fFAMkm4-Qh_SGPySKSuwTsYifAk2Fx2oZvIfP3Sd6y-W_devxRY038Ukd-6S2NCkgeUxqK7YMllEcDo4trHtAV-ua54mrSCKKS5E/s400/155229_117542161644225_100001653251802_134109_497658_n.jpg" border="0" /></a> me before the wedding<br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJEP17SLsFMOr-NDmKNrwfopQCJF6UfCs1mvryNhvDcazioNQG6vT8Z0In8oqVaF-Ibi4-Eubv8PE_z-lq7lx-aJ46lsPPxyDPtjrgVDEDELfzNU22ThQLw46JaKecgMuXhFuqmt2nlak9/s1600/149836_117518978313210_100001653251802_133868_4878548_n.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5547768244765252386" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJEP17SLsFMOr-NDmKNrwfopQCJF6UfCs1mvryNhvDcazioNQG6vT8Z0In8oqVaF-Ibi4-Eubv8PE_z-lq7lx-aJ46lsPPxyDPtjrgVDEDELfzNU22ThQLw46JaKecgMuXhFuqmt2nlak9/s400/149836_117518978313210_100001653251802_133868_4878548_n.jpg" border="0" /></a> wedding with friend<br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrNYxOFTSRsdc6DJMxOCsoN4M3DCqKMXgpRF4veIaXZAV9TadyLv3jzl6iOg38W70l6jYRhecUc4yXEsVcnaIXBWmQOZmpLdVTCs16Zdp7MUJ_9sdkYtsTwZ1idEfPezZZF2N5xKsArRIg/s1600/148330_117519624979812_100001653251802_133895_7867890_n.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5547768237967177906" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrNYxOFTSRsdc6DJMxOCsoN4M3DCqKMXgpRF4veIaXZAV9TadyLv3jzl6iOg38W70l6jYRhecUc4yXEsVcnaIXBWmQOZmpLdVTCs16Zdp7MUJ_9sdkYtsTwZ1idEfPezZZF2N5xKsArRIg/s400/148330_117519624979812_100001653251802_133895_7867890_n.jpg" border="0" /></a> me with some girls at the wedding<br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzSl_ImPuBWPqDt-1H3BbGgjlfCcPknBhTHKGxmNiF1Z57_IbJjcMhyphenhyphenTDqo4oKBtq7Dl77ceWBYTA6VOkMFmIOuRYfeYTbHEA9el6pWtbKX7xLckVPTtJrZ84e8_-2qQKl17SExM1bmimO/s1600/150275_117518918313216_100001653251802_133866_7744164_n.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5547768231687144354" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 332px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzSl_ImPuBWPqDt-1H3BbGgjlfCcPknBhTHKGxmNiF1Z57_IbJjcMhyphenhyphenTDqo4oKBtq7Dl77ceWBYTA6VOkMFmIOuRYfeYTbHEA9el6pWtbKX7xLckVPTtJrZ84e8_-2qQKl17SExM1bmimO/s400/150275_117518918313216_100001653251802_133866_7744164_n.jpg" border="0" /></a> me with my friends at the wedding.... you have no idea how tiny all these girls are.... THEY ARE TINY... i feel like a giant fatty next to them :(<br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpeK_NePc-fqjevNeEOb508czAHNxSQIn_TXykMCKq4Bz-reTj7dmKZtglxyT5ZYkRWsaxXjVWl4B2uw0B8knJXkdxaEj5U0JCkkfdWYxjZW6KUNoGtTbHEPONHf6D2p0DF_Qa7fSp6Ywe/s1600/untitled.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5547768212766348818" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpeK_NePc-fqjevNeEOb508czAHNxSQIn_TXykMCKq4Bz-reTj7dmKZtglxyT5ZYkRWsaxXjVWl4B2uw0B8knJXkdxaEj5U0JCkkfdWYxjZW6KUNoGtTbHEPONHf6D2p0DF_Qa7fSp6Ywe/s400/untitled.bmp" border="0" /></a> Harry in the water a few weeks ago<br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLaxS-jLPfbB6cXxFyPE25_Sy-DsMN7PP2cYrGTWog7eNWomFSzJqs-cPIc_4yetILgTYsudzvYP_9_VimRIBHUlUrj4zK_4BxZy1KuO3WhWj49r0LmSCv0SBj6f8Wi4c7IvpQhh8yo8kM/s1600/DSC03741.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5547767681843963218" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 274px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLaxS-jLPfbB6cXxFyPE25_Sy-DsMN7PP2cYrGTWog7eNWomFSzJqs-cPIc_4yetILgTYsudzvYP_9_VimRIBHUlUrj4zK_4BxZy1KuO3WhWj49r0LmSCv0SBj6f8Wi4c7IvpQhh8yo8kM/s400/DSC03741.JPG" border="0" /></a> Me the other day trying to take a full length shot on my own ahahah<br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIE3I9v13PhqTGzml6AkQzT02gYKC7oK-f7_4SiE7Z2lT3vFfUpq6QAGvLng-YdTn5wljF1j_TYAKlPdGsPyelNjF2BdtvwkmtfNSBqKqiheVC4Wj0gxmsheE45oGhuj8tRDE7YD3JTfY5/s1600/DSC03743.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5547767679465449122" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIE3I9v13PhqTGzml6AkQzT02gYKC7oK-f7_4SiE7Z2lT3vFfUpq6QAGvLng-YdTn5wljF1j_TYAKlPdGsPyelNjF2BdtvwkmtfNSBqKqiheVC4Wj0gxmsheE45oGhuj8tRDE7YD3JTfY5/s400/DSC03743.JPG" border="0" /></a> Yet another random shot of me<br /><br /><div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5547767671596489810" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVUiPJd_vFttkX8FeoYmTOZhE5mSlRJCgpORXBz4atmE3lZk6Pmgd4n05BqZAaJERBre9l4B_abJq_C-uV40jPQvYaQzoZNJPsljQ91vdo2UBEyfva7rrWyxVtYAmj-t6A-tBfWMAeU-5i/s400/DSC03722.JPG" border="0" /></div><div>The damage to my car :(</div><div><div>Well yes i am still here watching.....</div><br /><div></div><div>Im insanely horrible blogger these days and you can blame facebook... it has destroyed and taken over my world yet AGAIN :(</div><div></div><div>Nothing crazy has been goiing on.... wake up, walk dog, do muscle work outs, go to work, come home go on ellipitcal and then maybe go do something fun with someone maybe.</div><div></div><div></div><div>In general all is same ole same ole.</div><div></div><div>The band is ok... its doing its job on somedays and then somedays its pretty slack... last few days its been tight so i havent eaten much then somedays its not tight an di can eat whatever... i have an appointment with my doctor on Thursday... i can really afford it and im not sure i should be doing it but i havent had a fill or seen the doc for 3 months so maybe i do need it but i am pretty tight'ish but like i said that changes all the time.</div><div>Havent lost heaps of weight but i actually havent been on the scales much.... i know i lost another kilo the other week but it wasnt much.... i honestly think im gaining muscle which is making my weightloss a lot slower but i also know that i havent eaten all that great lately either aahah im having these surgary ice chocolate frozen drinks in the morning and even though i know they are bad for me they actually fill me up for the whole day... i have one at 8am and then i dont want anything until liek 4-5 in the afternoon which is pretty good.... i think?! ill ask my doc... he prob wont agree because they have sugar in them lol.</div><div></div><div>Other then that nothing exciting is happening in my life..... everything is costing to much... had a car accident and the back end of my car is dented and its over $1500 worth of damage so i have to pay $400 for excess with my insurance :( and i have a tax bill off $180 which sucks.... all before christmas and then i have to go christmas shopping which i have barely thought about. </div><div>I also need to be careful with my spendings so i have enough money for Melbourne.... i hope its a good holiday because i probably wont be having one for awhile. </div><div></div><div>anyways i guess thats enough..... nothing exciting else to say ahahah.</div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div>Seeing in colourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03658646784268801753noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797141490398966565.post-56391613886023415432010-11-27T11:49:00.003+08:002010-11-27T12:02:18.177+08:00No pill no more...Last weekend OPIA toured with MM9 one of my ridiculously favoourite bands from Sydney. I have followed MM9 for about 3 years and when i found out OPIA were touring i died a little. So 3 days we all hung out.<br />On the friday night in Bunbury i sat down with the drummer from MM9 and talked for about 2 hours about life and all its craziness..... his talk woke me up to a lot of things... it was one of the most special conversations i have had in a long time. See pics below from the fun fun.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1fk_n-tgddao9hlRcz9qjvQ8Igrentsi4lV7Atc-4WnnRnW2wAxMqjuZ_AhL5MeLZ4TBlCK1VVZSeLQQMq7zj0fDqlNVMpPVUR-9e4JQSryYZqqO5rHtqCetkClHQfQNdf4BRuAy-7nj8/s1600/4.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1fk_n-tgddao9hlRcz9qjvQ8Igrentsi4lV7Atc-4WnnRnW2wAxMqjuZ_AhL5MeLZ4TBlCK1VVZSeLQQMq7zj0fDqlNVMpPVUR-9e4JQSryYZqqO5rHtqCetkClHQfQNdf4BRuAy-7nj8/s400/4.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5544073314145094674" border="0" /></a>Kym being a goof with Ebs ET chico<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2z3O5nBzqIJ8mMZvMCdWMIJW6Jj3MgJtR3PRJgOtzu9F1y-3IPb50rfVSTiszvARJC5e9oxddsmbcFy6XC5zOvTH5nH6ufoGNDYdKe0EW_0aP0U22VUR8pwo7cCYjwRVK-8xzQoIsoCzm/s1600/10.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 270px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2z3O5nBzqIJ8mMZvMCdWMIJW6Jj3MgJtR3PRJgOtzu9F1y-3IPb50rfVSTiszvARJC5e9oxddsmbcFy6XC5zOvTH5nH6ufoGNDYdKe0EW_0aP0U22VUR8pwo7cCYjwRVK-8xzQoIsoCzm/s400/10.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5544073307612031410" border="0" /></a>Me.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqu8kvWj1Z-JyuE3ko5b5udyNO5MfVv18bZuL12QTb2xrs3849b1TEX5yxTvcYRYFugo_NintSM0_pFJuO6EwD89lDpPl95Lio0FjBZzPBdH03zz30HVqGnRVfR5dYX8emv9WJ4rA4szlW/s1600/7.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqu8kvWj1Z-JyuE3ko5b5udyNO5MfVv18bZuL12QTb2xrs3849b1TEX5yxTvcYRYFugo_NintSM0_pFJuO6EwD89lDpPl95Lio0FjBZzPBdH03zz30HVqGnRVfR5dYX8emv9WJ4rA4szlW/s400/7.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5544073299588449730" border="0" /></a>Ebs, Elisa and myself<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_JFQV-lY_LJBZcvVxsE-XL77Mt18Dlwn25NP3bT9D86iXXzwNZMimRJvULiQnMqEZAFEKkpzq3HDyrpge9bswL73YZDggctzbdaVjNA3NsDtpOK03rcAS6Vq7kTe3APgnjntybL_y1wUj/s1600/13.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_JFQV-lY_LJBZcvVxsE-XL77Mt18Dlwn25NP3bT9D86iXXzwNZMimRJvULiQnMqEZAFEKkpzq3HDyrpge9bswL73YZDggctzbdaVjNA3NsDtpOK03rcAS6Vq7kTe3APgnjntybL_y1wUj/s400/13.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5544073334448575106" border="0" /></a>OPIA<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9IvPjEWVbMpax8hYrhTrSlc0dLuj1O874Y0jB2QVxEu4xsrU6k_Pgy03PUbpkrjq9IpdjbZX-arjCQFJ-ts1i3otX27-PqGngBUhaJow4XPvzCblgKgoogdewcPKNIApv8yVJ32_U12wS/s1600/23.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 258px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9IvPjEWVbMpax8hYrhTrSlc0dLuj1O874Y0jB2QVxEu4xsrU6k_Pgy03PUbpkrjq9IpdjbZX-arjCQFJ-ts1i3otX27-PqGngBUhaJow4XPvzCblgKgoogdewcPKNIApv8yVJ32_U12wS/s400/23.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5544073318306619122" border="0" /></a>MM9<br /><br />Im not on the pill anymore for contraception from my doctors and i have no idea when my period is coming on...... so anyways i should just read it by the ridiculous amount of chocolate i want... the last two days have been insane.... not really bad fatty foods more so just chocolate. There we go.... ITS HERE Arghhhh.<br /><br />How exciting... everyone wanted to know that.<br /><br />ps. Christina Augleria (sp?) looks so so bad these days.<br /><br />pps. tonight im going to my first roller derby here in WA, i have been getting fitter and have been wanting to join derby for years.<br /><br />ppps. my mum gave me an awesome elliptical trainer and its hard yacker but AWESOME. I have had any weightloss but i think i have been gaining a lot of muscle heres hoping this will regulate soon.Seeing in colourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03658646784268801753noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797141490398966565.post-51458603836842653572010-11-18T13:26:00.002+08:002010-11-19T12:24:57.844+08:00Oh you guys....<div>**i wrote this yesterday but it didnt post... here we go again :D**<br /><br />LOL you guys are so funny and crazy supportive.</div><br /><div> </div><br /><div>Everyone says such nice things.... i know people look at my photos and think "she doesnt look that big, she actually looks pretty darn normal" well its LIES i tell you LIES.... the answer is simple.... im good with the camera and can take good shots. Yes these days i do look better in photos... i have less face fat which means my photos have ended up looking better which is good but trust me.... under my clothes there is some nasty shit going on. I have always been very particular with how i dress and how i do my hair to make me look smaller aahahah.</div><br /><div> </div><br /><div>Im a photowhore.... i cant understand how i can be so angry at myself for the way i look yet take a ridiculous amount of photos of myself. With clothes on im a lot more comfortable thats for sure... :P</div><br /><div> </div><br /><div>Its really hot in my part of the world.... just my luck to have crazy heat when im going away... ill have to wear my hair up tonight now otherwise i will sweat my little heart out. I dont like sweating... i want to be skinny and not sweat.</div><br /><div> </div><br /><div>So i cant remmeber if i said it in my last post but i have changed my diet. Im now having optifast shakes for breakfast and lunch with a banana at morning tea and banana or grapes as an afternoon snack.... dinner i will have crumed chicken kiev with salad (the chicken is pretty fatty) which is basically it.... honestly its hard just having shakes... they are satisfying for a good amount of time but not for long long periods... i know when i have my fill this will be easier but i hope how i am eating at the moment is good and gets the scales moving a bit... i still exercise every morning but im not doing work outs twice a day.... im too tired now at night... maybe thats why the scales arent moving grrrrr. </div><br /><div>Walking has created some gnarley nasty blisters on my feet, specially from this morning i shall attach photos.... my heals are getting so cracked its horrid... i need a good cure for this or a good pedicure or whatever they call it (you can tell i dont get them).</div><br /><div> </div><br /><div>Finally getting my regrowth died this afternoon, my hair has been horrid... also on a fun note my melbbourne tickets are all booked for me to go ont he 28th Jan.... thats a huge motivation because wanna loose some weight before i get into that plane seat.... that is the one thing that has held me back so much from flyign is the seats.... being tall and having wide hips is horrible :( i feel like a giant freak when im on the flights... hopefully i can have a seat where im not sitting next to someone so i can sprawl out :D</div><br /><div> </div><br /><div>I was going to post nasty pics of my blisters but i have run out of tim e:D</div>Seeing in colourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03658646784268801753noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797141490398966565.post-16895886510159877402010-11-17T08:39:00.006+08:002010-11-17T10:41:12.531+08:00Yes im here... posting with photos... oh golly!<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Ok</span>... so <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">im</span> back, kind of. I cant make any <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">guarantees</span> i will be back as much as i was. I have noticed when things are bad i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">dont</span> want to admit it all to you guys so i need to walk away sort my poo out and then come back and get back to normal.<br /><div><div><div><div><div></div><br /><div>I would say the last month was a complete struggle for me emotionally and <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">psychically</span> with the band and everything else around me. There was a lot of stress at work which has gone away but has come back again but its <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">ok</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">im</span> dealing with it better in this second round of bullshit. </div><br /><div></div><div>The band really is a tool.... you gotta work it, if you <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">dont</span> then nothing happens. I feel back into old and bad habits, not completely and i would say not as bad as i would in the past but i certainly <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">wasn't</span> thinking clearly in the decisions of what i was eating and if i was going to exercise or not. </div><br /><div>The <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">PCOS</span> may have factored slightly into this as i guess i was saddened finding out that i had it, on a plus side though after more blood tests last week it has come back that my hormone levels are a lot better and are leveling out since the weight loss. This makes me feel positive that i can change the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">PCOS</span> and hopefully get everything leveled out and back to normal.</div><br /><div>Those of you WHO SUFFER FROM <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">PCOS</span> do you find a lot of your weight is carried around your stomachs? Its horrid.... </div><br /><div>I got saddened the other day looking at myself naked in the mirror.... saddened by the fact i let myself destroy my body so badly... its a mess.... i think back to when i was a teenager and going to the gym and my body was amazing and now i have let it go so bad its just ridiculous. Whats good is that this <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">hasnt</span> made me eat more and be depressed its kicked me back up the bum to get motivated again.</div><br /><div></div><div>My band is loose as a goose and i can eat anything really if i chew chew and chew... i still avoid bread as i think its better off not having it at all. Seeing as my band <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">isnt</span> tight this is <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">incredibly</span> hard, its all on my discipline of making sure that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">im</span> doing the right thing. </div><br /><div>I still <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">ha vent</span> beaten this whole head and stomach hunger, half the time i think i still eat just for the sake of eating and that is completely stupid but its the hardest nut to crack.</div><div></div><br /><div>Work is <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">blerg</span>.... coming up to <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">Christmas</span> work is always a PIECE OF SHIT... everything always all happens at once and that sucks. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">Im</span> not organised and this is causing issues, there are <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">alot</span> of things going on which <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">im</span> forgetting about and its getting me in trouble. Oh well... story of my life!</div><div></div><br /><div>My love life... non <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">existent</span>... i just cant get that side of things flowing at all... i have small feelings for random boys but nothing major, my current crush is on Kym <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">lol</span> if i find a picture ill attach it... Anton and i are kind of drifting away which is not a bad thing and completely <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_24">ok</span> with that, he is so frustrating and i don <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_25">tthink</span> its healthy.</div><br /><br /><div></div><div>Cant wait for this week to be over because <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_26">im</span> going away with some bands to party Friday night.... BRING ON TOMORROW its my last day of work... </div><div></div><br /><div>I bought my tickets to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_27">Melb</span> through Qantas online but <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_28">didnt</span> write down my membership number so now i cant see if it confirmed the sale... <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_29">Huurrrrderrrrr</span>.</div><br /><div><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_30">Im</span> finally having a holiday....28<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_31">th</span> January - 4<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_32">th</span> February in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_33">Melb</span> watching the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_34">Deftones</span> and Tool and hanging with <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_35">soem</span> cool kids.... bring on this well overdue holiday!</div><div>Good motivation for me to keep loosing :)</div><div></div><div></div><div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5540340367807915874" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1EBOM2LscyXcjMyPzathmmttrLzv9h7CWZmWIiUJBiXk-F34YIIKDQLK6C30GA6Rl9IRX7eJMIAkfYziVP0lGb90n9JLtANrjnjzO8S5rFZQBcDzdh9fgtpo3FBykNfBZ6Mp0Hqwce5CI/s400/2.jpg" border="0" /></div><div>I took this only the other day before i went to a meeting.</div><div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5540340357657898578" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirRzDNGoQvhmr2sTQy1MCZbSq2IgB6lIegdW1E7wCv332YUcGGzNJn2i45Vwg9laRrFs9Qon03jQDkyOxR9edyhvWM0wAoJ1gB8Iq7JlN4JiHDEdsQV86I9CeTKwzr1U1vQRZQg8UgspKe/s400/76452_112026448862463_100001653251802_98964_5216060_n.jpg" border="0" /></div><div>This was before i went to the hens night i had to go to.... let me just say i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_36">dont</span> get along with bunches of women.... i really do prefer guys... <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_37">mens</span> conversations seem to stimulate me more the females chit chat.</div><div></div><div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5540340353334202162" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5hDqmGVsVtCd-bYj-hfw5fyAbRoUx7337MlbhdwREj-_Hc2A_rT6jJhRZnV5qf_xP6e2pvYO3uhARTYfoo2J7dT8K75WRQedofrKZIHlVpyluwtmn1fkEzRUvEnuvm-306e7wiEsTEdeT/s400/12%255B1%255D.jpg" border="0" /></div><div>Me in the mirror beforehand.... the outfit ended up looking super cute.I now fit some belts that i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_38">didnt</span> used to and its been perfect because they have been making my outfits look more finished off :)</div><div></div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5540340342677479586" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 290px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyjmG61bcvGfU0mIB5Za0HK0ubGT6XccHOfWXJGRgRzAXn2SUBUHIhPEhT43S-S51-1kYIwx93hDocjxcpwGYKDca5aYFJZs6CByZdTDIqNPiQNBx8UGg40SnE3XypP_BxeSxSaMTtj8Er/s400/5.jpg" border="0" />Yet again another shot...<br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5540340992538772386" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 268px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXXsK3Om3WlVWZslkLrEZkJKbPOKH63FEvHdSjl396jSxIpD69vFeMajpAkmiN0WFvrd0fieHzBhrFRYGTW_-ctdklSFQ91-9mnGzUA_jDNcpnmn7J8HUe1zByKudl2LbGK6tIKPx6Q0bz/s400/kym3.bmp" border="0" /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_39">Heres</span> Kym... his with Tina who <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_40">im</span> going over to Melbourne to stay with.... Tina & Kane moved to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_41">melb</span>.... which sucks because we were all <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_42">havign</span> the best fun together.... now they live too far away :( <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_43">Ahaha</span> it looks <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_44">liek</span> they are together but trust me they <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_45">arent</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_46">ahahah</span><br /><div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5540340987609493682" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsYMhJ2SerXlbAH0eCQAXI_5rhYaMYtgYqhDYhueFuMiU2nS4y6AXvN2OqfUdCfZ9kbAkL49xqseeG1rIE8ap5UoQ1TcvyX15TCl4EBNVLouDFqzXPS3KX5BPiW3JViCyupllFBwkcbM6F/s400/kym1.jpg" border="0" /></div></div></div></div></div><br /><p><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_47">another</span>one of Tina & Kym..... i have a photo with him but i look like a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_48">bushpig</span> so i choose not to share.</p><p>You will see i constantly have crushes on a bazillion boys.... it never follows through. I had feelings for Kym just before my birthday then he got a girlfriend and i got over it.... we went to lunch <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_49">monday</span> and are going down south <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_50">together</span> with my friend <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_51">ebs</span> for a gig this weekend... hanging out with him again is bringing back stupid feelings <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_52">ahahah</span>.</p><p></p><p><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_53">thats</span> enough for now.</p><p>Hope all you guys are well..</p><p>ash x</p>Seeing in colourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03658646784268801753noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797141490398966565.post-88144780373664881762010-11-14T19:56:00.001+08:002010-11-14T19:57:38.447+08:00Pop in...Still here... watching, reading and caring without words... heres hoping i post soon<br /><br />xxSeeing in colourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03658646784268801753noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797141490398966565.post-11551183673406472682010-11-05T08:33:00.003+08:002010-11-05T08:59:37.751+08:00So what now....I still dont feel like venting or blogging. Although i will try to.<br /><br />I cant explain whats been going on and its not all a disaster, its actually kind of ok... i got some bad news about the PCOS but then i get some relieving news the other day about something at work which i have been stressed about now for about 3 months.... now i know that i have no need to be stressed at the moment i can move on and look forward to positive things that could happen.<br /><br />i dont like feeling unsettled and thats half the problem, things with work were very unsettled and it made me very confused and frustrated for my future and now that that has changed i can hopefully refocus on some important things for my future.<br /><br />I have looked or stepped even close to the scales. My eating habits have been a complete failure and i havent gone anywhere fast at all. This week i have barely exercised as everything kind of felt like it was crumbling all around me.... i did a little exercise but nothing like i was doing. I know i need to go get a fill but im not ready for that yet as im on medication for the PCOS and i would like to see if this makes a difference to my weight as it seems my weight is affected by it.<br />In all honesty i know the secret to how i loose the most weight... i know what the secret is. Dont eat sugar. Guess what.... fuck that. ok maybe not.... but i love sugar and chocolates and all that is bad... sometimes i cant find a balance and its very destructive. I have been destructive lately and its sad. I know i will pull myself out of this.<br /><br />Maybe just maybe after all these years it is my hormones setting me totally out of whack.... maybe i get in these ridiculous funks because my body just cant handle anything because it has such an imbalance with my hormones, maybe its the reason my depression goes a little whacko at times, it probably isnt but it would be nice to think it is and im trying to gain control of it.<br /><br />I always wondered why i carried so much weight around my belly..... the part i hate the most :( i cant wear normal tops like chicks because my belly is big and i get paranoid about it and i dont have big boobs to camoflauge it :( The doc tells me a lot of women with PCOS carry a lot of the weight around their stomachs. Who knows if these meds will work but heres hoping.<br /><br />So there you go... i have probably gained weight due to all this bullshit so thats why im not even touching the scales and until im emotionally strong enough im not going to go near them and that probably wont be until i start motivating myself again and getting back into the swing of things.<br />I have been a failure to myself these days and its disapointing but im hoping with these few little positive changes potentially happeningin my life i might regain some sanity and move on.<br /><br />Im hoping and praying to get a TOOL side show ticket in Melb and fly over there for a holiday.... February next year... it would be very good because i would def have to give myself time off for that to go away on the adventure.<br />Problem is gettnig tickets... im trying to conivince mike to get his brother to get me a ticket because he is on some TOOL website.<br /><br /><object height="278" width="450"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/WdmnMlWokRs?fs=1&hl=en_US"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/WdmnMlWokRs?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="450" height="278"></embed></object><br /><br />Ok i wanted to share these guys with you..... DEAD LETTER CIRCUS from Australia.... they are amazing... i love my country and its amazing music and artists.<br /><br />Anyways... thats enough.<br /><br />Hope your all well.Seeing in colourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03658646784268801753noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797141490398966565.post-44986046516595134752010-11-03T15:23:00.003+08:002010-11-03T15:48:49.727+08:00HalloweenSO i still dont really feel like posting a big deep and meaningful post. I went to the doctors todaY and they confirm i have Poly-cystic Ovary Syndrome.... which creates weight gain among other things and i need to take diabetes medicine to regulate my hormones... i have to much testosterone in my body :*(<br /><br />It does make quite a bit of sense tho... my doc is hoping the meds will even out my hormones permanently and that ill have even more weightloss. I feel good knowing if there is something im trying to treat it but i guess in a sense i feel pretty shitty to.<br /><br />On a positive note im pretty sure for Aussies my friends and i are awesome at HAlloween.... so many of us make a big deal of it.... so heres photos from my Halloween weekend and my friends.<br />First time i drank since the band and i got SLAUGHTERED... i had to make myself throw up a little in the morning because i was so hungover lol.<br /><br />Enjoy.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt-TbLzWu4MvslmQ1j8vFrQK3dKdHwLUI7fbQXKz7wR7zfFKP55CSwT4gjAfjSwoExM4qOKhsVQEEk4CecEuzQRhq9CKcqOlQN0US1myXdrioQLadgXUHNCTHcDk1zz4AeGHF4g42YGuLR/s1600/1.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 376px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt-TbLzWu4MvslmQ1j8vFrQK3dKdHwLUI7fbQXKz7wR7zfFKP55CSwT4gjAfjSwoExM4qOKhsVQEEk4CecEuzQRhq9CKcqOlQN0US1myXdrioQLadgXUHNCTHcDk1zz4AeGHF4g42YGuLR/s400/1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5535224380107228162" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVENgpZ1K3ScFNC9b-xB6Z8eeCpZ3fNvHzzXKiCN4Xe3vzoRNMArCUIz9wD6NxVyX38ji8QHkcZqJcI35dSQf8KaCPmTUM5l14alGWrCyhtuZH5DOO1SnSko-Q83q2AU_h1TPayvww3idu/s1600/25.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVENgpZ1K3ScFNC9b-xB6Z8eeCpZ3fNvHzzXKiCN4Xe3vzoRNMArCUIz9wD6NxVyX38ji8QHkcZqJcI35dSQf8KaCPmTUM5l14alGWrCyhtuZH5DOO1SnSko-Q83q2AU_h1TPayvww3idu/s400/25.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5535225143897899506" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1WXfLxbh5b9qTXHjnyGC_cNL7kAcO_0fMm9-KHjaTrMxb-JmeVn_VUXRpKxjWXkEI_5r9PXSUM8O-LO9g0rgYHqRddfGlRQ5VNp4EIT6geIKWv43N0R4-itEzTgncsFEPqLbWBHTyMIBw/s1600/26.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1WXfLxbh5b9qTXHjnyGC_cNL7kAcO_0fMm9-KHjaTrMxb-JmeVn_VUXRpKxjWXkEI_5r9PXSUM8O-LO9g0rgYHqRddfGlRQ5VNp4EIT6geIKWv43N0R4-itEzTgncsFEPqLbWBHTyMIBw/s400/26.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5535225136929758242" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiluWDHmUqTIDX9wnkc703wLVYpCf03kfn7-N4zqQPrHbuBezNdIDvtGsYGjf6Nb4JHeMoRFeGC4zLvjQ0_r_6WqXfGbKCJFtJQx9h8oT3Uws4sK7At6Q3v4TcigCwTafpJT4xCB163Zju_/s1600/27.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 319px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiluWDHmUqTIDX9wnkc703wLVYpCf03kfn7-N4zqQPrHbuBezNdIDvtGsYGjf6Nb4JHeMoRFeGC4zLvjQ0_r_6WqXfGbKCJFtJQx9h8oT3Uws4sK7At6Q3v4TcigCwTafpJT4xCB163Zju_/s400/27.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5535225134964646322" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmx-zYpJ4TZf1ZFXOby0ZMFK5-Z0t1xIG53rfcSlaeQGM43AInZfwb5QPXW92klyJHj-Vn3DfThMyM_SDAWrXArV1fy29K1ygI_ZGtwkIIss3lVzNGe_Xem1qZf9z2_JzFYf_N2OLEVcmW/s1600/28.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmx-zYpJ4TZf1ZFXOby0ZMFK5-Z0t1xIG53rfcSlaeQGM43AInZfwb5QPXW92klyJHj-Vn3DfThMyM_SDAWrXArV1fy29K1ygI_ZGtwkIIss3lVzNGe_Xem1qZf9z2_JzFYf_N2OLEVcmW/s400/28.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5535225122879437586" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsNOCmWP0-ZIwAFb9YCbI3tTO_ed0YplygsukocN5cyUI2NYszD38tjctC_nCyCddJ-sBqXLKCO-7_wkcZ_6u_AZ47zJdmvkJbodr6bGzMYO2dw7y4V73lVuhkUxvxF_N8trz6wNfT8SX4/s1600/me2.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 264px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsNOCmWP0-ZIwAFb9YCbI3tTO_ed0YplygsukocN5cyUI2NYszD38tjctC_nCyCddJ-sBqXLKCO-7_wkcZ_6u_AZ47zJdmvkJbodr6bGzMYO2dw7y4V73lVuhkUxvxF_N8trz6wNfT8SX4/s400/me2.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5535225119858916594" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUJFlVHeKdLwv52HlCN9ew6YVFChyphenhyphenehs-qTR1G5KFGXhVW1TGUvKxEDgqf5OcR8Kck6KcMGmFVGwvm4zD-aB4m1E6JuA9FfjsLxNdAG11_1ymDBkKQrIh95sMlnDmPzQ925t9_biVhytyf/s1600/19.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 280px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUJFlVHeKdLwv52HlCN9ew6YVFChyphenhyphenehs-qTR1G5KFGXhVW1TGUvKxEDgqf5OcR8Kck6KcMGmFVGwvm4zD-aB4m1E6JuA9FfjsLxNdAG11_1ymDBkKQrIh95sMlnDmPzQ925t9_biVhytyf/s400/19.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5535224417297396386" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTPqCOjhs_8vc3JYJVLek2G9P1ImM_yzJWgdBiMcDIOWKnFosJmCTNTfDMES86BXapo6Cwqq6hpyLU4-dpsWy4Z2YoCONMSPMBZaQoAvP0daS9p8xiA9lCwXunc0yz6SqdiDZe0XJkCWuf/s1600/15.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTPqCOjhs_8vc3JYJVLek2G9P1ImM_yzJWgdBiMcDIOWKnFosJmCTNTfDMES86BXapo6Cwqq6hpyLU4-dpsWy4Z2YoCONMSPMBZaQoAvP0daS9p8xiA9lCwXunc0yz6SqdiDZe0XJkCWuf/s400/15.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5535224406373836962" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQK35BPBJ3-Xfq8rRlgss30dqlt9Tp6cFfef69zjMkwECAHXg1bkpB_Fv2nWcdUTR7DdT3BEW6g45pUyY1V3F-x9k0pDicIwd9eef5kYnJpS5w4JlKWnaOWDzhwYBpZjBwZdmgCzBVBFUP/s1600/9.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQK35BPBJ3-Xfq8rRlgss30dqlt9Tp6cFfef69zjMkwECAHXg1bkpB_Fv2nWcdUTR7DdT3BEW6g45pUyY1V3F-x9k0pDicIwd9eef5kYnJpS5w4JlKWnaOWDzhwYBpZjBwZdmgCzBVBFUP/s400/9.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5535224397275226146" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOijkCjUj5taoGS53RJrtYtl7RPQSF6J0Dsjtpwo5d20AtGunTUO2L9IuDfAVLQMLDUtVpPXMjFdW_WZds2EfzNALH-VWZvzpYXIZmMtDImlPI7fBCMJyHiaBr9vajqGv3bpAKhFQLLKcr/s1600/3.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 336px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOijkCjUj5taoGS53RJrtYtl7RPQSF6J0Dsjtpwo5d20AtGunTUO2L9IuDfAVLQMLDUtVpPXMjFdW_WZds2EfzNALH-VWZvzpYXIZmMtDImlPI7fBCMJyHiaBr9vajqGv3bpAKhFQLLKcr/s400/3.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5535224389142138450" border="0" /></a>Seeing in colourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03658646784268801753noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797141490398966565.post-15639465653776371122010-11-02T18:16:00.002+08:002010-11-02T18:19:01.229+08:00Im still here....Im still here....<br /><br />I havent posted as i havent been confident enough to post.<br /><br />Everything was a bit blergh, still pulling myself out of the poo but my motivation has dropped down something crazy. Im not eating like i was and the exercise is still ok but not as good as before.<br /><br />I just feel like im struggling remembering what is guiding me to be the person i really want to be.<br /><br />I will hopefully update something a little more exciting then this later.<br /><br />AshSeeing in colourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03658646784268801753noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797141490398966565.post-43940496339823203552010-10-24T21:03:00.003+08:002010-10-24T21:14:53.585+08:00Depression *heavy swearing in this post*Is creeps into your life unexpectantley and without decent warning signs it can knock you down on your bum and make you an emotional wreck.<br /><br />I ve been noticing the signs but havent been onto it as much this time as i havent got many friends to confine to about it (im surrounded by a lot of people but not many i can talk with trust about deep things with and the one close friend lives 2 hours away and sometimes you need someone in person). Im not really talking to my Mum and Dad at the moment, its not as dramatic as it sounds but they have a lot going on in their lives and they dont have the time to talk to me much these days and it breaks my heart... not that i talk with my dad we have never had much of a relationship.<br /><br />Something just happened that has trigger me off into this emotional ball of bullshit. I just got home.... from Antons (a whole other story in itself) and there was this Aboriginal dude (my suburb isnt a super bad suburb but where i live everyone walks down for access) and he walked along the front of my house and as i was turning my car into the driveway he fell on a brick i had that i put to warn people to not run over my sprinkler and when i saw him fall i wound down my window and asked him if he was ok (this was the screwed up thing as i was trying ot b enice) and he got up and his like "your a fucking bitch, what kind of stupid bitch leaves a brick out the front you should buy me some new fucking jeans you whore.... or ill throw this fucking brick through your window" andim like omg what the fuck i didnt say much waited for him to walk off and put my car in.... i freaked out... i went over to my neighbours across the street who are the nice ones but then i came inside and havent stopped crying since.... im emotionally retarded at the moment..... it set me off because im so sad im still alone.... im so scared ill always be alone and i cant believe im admitting this because everyone thinks im soooooo strong in real life and they think im amazing to be the age i am and live on my own and own my own home.... but its not easy and sometimes id like someone to come home to.... its sickening how sad and lonely i have become and even though the weightloss has made me feel so good in some aspects it hasnt changed a lot of other things.<br /><br />I went and showered and washed my hair and tried to calm down but instead i stood in the shower crying.<br />I hate depression and when it shows its ugly head, this has been approaching now for 2 weeks and i havent told anyone (thats half the problem). HEres hoping that this stupid fit im having tonight is the most im going to cop on the emotinal bullshit front.<br /><br />I need to pull myself out of this shit. ThAT stupid guy tonight didnt help anything :-\<br /><br />Seeing as i dont have real friends to vent this too... and i have my cyber girlfriends to listen i want to thank you in advance for putting up with my bullshit. I hate posts like this... but this might help me get through this little rough patch.<br /><br />Ash xSeeing in colourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03658646784268801753noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797141490398966565.post-55634587490131231622010-10-24T11:17:00.001+08:002010-10-24T11:19:32.375+08:00HELP@#()&#POPO#U**%$#&P(@Oh my.... i have binged so much this weekend...... i bought a ridiculous amount of chocolates and have eaten nearly all of them.<br /><br />Its not good... im not good.... im ruining all the hard work i have done.<br /><br />Its like ive gotten myself back into my old ways and it sickens me.... and the problem is that eating like this is making me lazy and tired and that in itself isnt good either.<br /><br />I feel so sad with myself... eating bad food has made me depressed too :(Seeing in colourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03658646784268801753noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3797141490398966565.post-57583430499433849272010-10-21T14:24:00.002+08:002010-10-21T14:26:25.098+08:00I couldnt NOT share this....<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwaP09q_2vMfJKb5jX-hFZvEurOwOMZkT4kcEj0H2md3XH50x0qFfLhnT3wSWaH1cDeYLIvNMFKvQRnJGQ1Rs03tZNSoyiGunTzl35lmAIMGhSVx0f6wcB_SRC_QA3Ysw7Pw0XdUJ0unYH/s1600/emile+hirsch.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 317px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwaP09q_2vMfJKb5jX-hFZvEurOwOMZkT4kcEj0H2md3XH50x0qFfLhnT3wSWaH1cDeYLIvNMFKvQRnJGQ1Rs03tZNSoyiGunTzl35lmAIMGhSVx0f6wcB_SRC_QA3Ysw7Pw0XdUJ0unYH/s400/emile+hirsch.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5530381592164793250" border="0" /></a>Oh Emile Hirsch.... what i would do to you.... the fact that you have been in some awesome movies is just a bonus!<br /><br />IF you havent heard of him or know if his films i can recommend some wonderful ones... trust me :DSeeing in colourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03658646784268801753noreply@blogger.com4